If you're in your 20s, I'm sure these exact words have come out of your mouth: "Everyone I graduated high school with is either married, having kids, in jail, or too drunk to function."
I'm s l o w l y but surely approaching my 21st birthday, and I have no desire whatsoever to bring a little hell raiser bundle of joy into this world. I have no desire to get divorced fall in love. I don't want to live out the first episode of "Orange is the New Black." I have no desire to spend every night with Jack, Jim, and Johnny Cash at a redneck bar somewhere in the Heart of Dixie (only Thursday nights). I guess I just find myself right in the middle, and I'm content.
I didn't realize that people like me are few and far between, until I kept getting strange looks and defensive questions as to why I wanted to wait until I'm 30 to settle down and have kids. Just taking your advice to heart, Mom and Dad. Well, here's my reasoning.
It takes two people to get married.
I think I'm missing the most important component of marriage and that's the other person. I'm all for getting married for the right reasons—I've watched one too many episodes of "The Bachelor."So many people settle, and I don't want that to be me. I don't like clingy people, and a husband/wife is basically a permanent clinger. I'm independent, and I don't need someone to keep me satisfied.Thanks to technologyI can do that myself.
Kids scare me.
They pop out of holes way too small for them and they're just like, "Hello! I'm another human that you and only you are responsible for. Did I mention I can't feed myself, vocally express my needs, wipe my own butt, or transport myself anywhere?" I'm sure they're fun, and, if I had one, I guess I would love it and post pictures of it all over Facebook for people to steal and make virtual families with. But for now, I'm going to save myself the trouble.
Jail is not my scene.
First of all, orange clashes with my skin tone. I don't think I would last a day in jail. I know you get three hots and a cot, but that's kind of a deal breaker when you're used to seven hot meals a day, a queen-sized bed, and your own personal shower.
Have you ever been to a bar on a regular Monday night in Small Town USA?
Yeah, don't go. You're not missing anything. Unless you're in a densely populated area or just really into creepy older men, alcoholics, and the occasional annoying, drunken sorority girl trying to complete the checklist painted on the giant paper bottle of Malibu hanging around her neck, going to the bar every night is probably not for you.
If you're just stuck somewhere in the middle of wanting the responsibility of a child and the freedom of an adult, I'm right there with ya. There are more of us out there than you know. This one goes out to all of my single, childless, crime-free, and sober 20-somethings. They just hate us 'cuz they ain't us.
