As 2018 is slowly ticking down, I say goodbye to many of my worst and best memories that have helped me grow into the strong, young woman of 2019.
The first six months of 2018 were probably the worst months of my entire life. I was still battling my eating disorders. I never liked who I was, or what I looked like. I cared way too much about what everyone thought of me, like that actually matters. I was never satisfied with myself.
My mentality was not in a good place to begin with because at the start of 2018, I had already began relapsing from the last four months of my eating disorder.
Anyway, looking back on that has taught me to be gentle and patient with myself. Everyone is different. Bodies change, people change. Learning to accept myself for who I am took a long time, and I am still learning. But I see myself in a different, better way. I am stronger, more outgoing, understanding, patient, and loving. I gave myself time to grow, and that is exactly what I am doing now.
This year has also taught me that everyone is not going to like you, and that's okay. You cannot please everyone. But be kind and respectful of every person's feelings and ambitions.
I learned to be a little selfish. I am, and will always be, a giver. If you call me, I'm there. That is who I am and that I know, will never change. However, I do take the time to be selfish with myself and my feelings. If you aren't selfish with yourself and how you want to live, then you will always being living in someone else's life.
2018 has given me a passion for writing, and promoting body positivity. Sometimes, people think that I post body image pictures for attention, or acknowledgement. And if you want to keep telling yourself that, go ahead. But I am a writer. I am also a person who has gone through enough to know the feeling of worthlessness, negativity or self disgust. In that case, I do consider myself a promoter of body positivity, strength, and self love and care. I do what I do for the girls and boys who are struggling to find themselves and those issues but hold on to hope for themselves that they can be happy with who they are.
I have learned to take care of myself and my feelings. I have been hurt, used, and let down. But for that I am thankful, because it only helps me to grow into a better person. To better myself, and focus on who I want to become.
Looking back on 2018, I see heartbreak, sadness, weakness, loss, and anger. But, through the aches and pains, I see hope, happiness, content, and strength.
Now I can see that 2018 was my year to LEARN.
And 2019 is my year to GROW.