It seems like just yesterday when I was sitting in the kitchen with my parents as the clock struck 12:00 and we yelled, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" with the tv. I remember saying happy new year, and thinking about the year to come. Coming back to school after break, we all said the same thing: "We're graduating this year! By the end of this year, we'll be college students!" All I could respond with was, "Holy crap. So much is going to change." Boy, was I right. This year was the year of change. I couldn't see far into the future, I couldn't wrap my head around this concept and couldn't imagine what to expect in the next 12 months to come.

One thing I knew for certain: I am in charge of my own future. 2017 was the year I hit rock bottom in my life. When it came time for graduation, I was mentally and physically drained, worried and unhappy with the way things were going. People used me and left me like I was a toy they grew bored with over time, and in turn, I took a hard hit. But the most important thing is every bad thing that happened taught me an important lesson. So, what did I learn? I learned that each heartbreak only made me stronger, that I am a better person. After each disappointment, I became stronger, I healed faster, I picked myself up and learned my self worth.

My life was not going the way I wanted so I decided to turn it around and do what's best for myself. I did some soul searching, questioned myself daily, closed one bad chapter and didn’t look back, let go of the toxic people hurting me and finally found myself again. I cried all my tears, let myself feel all this pain so deeply, then decided to be happy. No more self doubt, self pity and jealousy over others' lives. I let go of grudges, made amends and moved away to start a new life. A new life that changed the way I think, the way I talk, the way I hold myself.

I moved to a college that surrounds me with people who push me to do better, who inspire me, who make me want to improve myself all the time. I was pushed to my limits everyday, I felt stress like never before, but I also felt a sense of happiness that I've never had. Walking into first semester, I was a nervous, shy and closed-off person. Walking out of first semester and reuniting with old friends 4 months later, and everyone immediately noticed the difference in me. By the end of our week at conference, I had people telling me how happy I look, how relaxed I seem to be, how I hold myself so confidently, laugh freely and smile much more. They commented on things I had never noticed until now. The change in my smile, the change in my posture, the upbeat tone in my voice, the and the overall excitement about my current situation. Hearing all of this positivity has warmed my heart because not only do I love the incredible friends I have at Ohio, but I also have loving friends back home who have kept me in their hearts this entire time. This year especially, they have taught me what an unbreakable friendship means: to love your friends even when they move 511 miles away, to worry about them everyday and to anxiously wait until you can reunite and exchange stories about your adventures in person.

2017 has made me blessed to have two places to call home, two loving groups of friends and the much happier, content young woman I am now. It has no longer made me afraid of the future, afraid to let go of the past, but happy and excited for everything that 2018 holds. So thanks for the memories, 2017. Here's to starting the new year off the right way.

From Russia with love,

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