Being in customer service is not easy, contrary to popular belief. It takes a lot of patience and then secretly talking to your co workers about how dumb some people are. Here are some times that you may have considered bashing your head into the nearest wall because of customers:

1. "The food is taking forever! Oh well, I'll just tip less."

How does that even make sense? I take your order and give it to the kitchen. Do I look like the head chef? Oh right, as you see me running all over this restaurant taking orders, cleaning up your messes and serving food I definitely have enough time to make your food too! My bad, totally my fault.

2. Coming in five minutes before closing.

You walk in and the chairs are on the tables, but you continue to sit down? In what messed up world do you think your hunger is more important than the fact my shift is basically over, the kitchen is completely closed, but the customer has to whine and remind everyone we are not *officially* closed. Leave. Never return.

3. The air scribble indicating they want the check.

I will take my damn time now because there's nothing I hate more than your dumb air scribble. I will end you.

4. Crying, messy children.

Please don't bring your child into an establishment and let them throw tantrums, eat crayons and throw all their food on the floor. I think my job description is a server, not a babysitter. Thanks.

5. Me: "Can I get you guys anything else?"

Customer: "A million dollars!!!"

No comment.

6. "It's her birthday today. Could we sing?"

No.

7. "What do you have that's gluten free?"

Lettuce.

8. Hanging out for four hours after they've finished their meal.

Okay, I know you haven't seen your best friend in LIKE FOEVER, right?! I am so happy you guys are reuniting, but could you like take it to the parking lot or the ice cream shop because customers are waiting for your table. And no, I gave you the check an hour ago, I will not continue to keep bringing you drinks and adding onto the check.

9. "Oh, I know the boss. Tell him Jim is here!"

Oh, really, because my boss has no idea who you are. Wait in line like everyone else.

10. Me: "How are you today?"

Customer: "Water with lemon."

Same, I am feeling very "water with lemon" today as well.

11. "Can you split our checks?"

Even though I literally just made one check and have to make a completely new one now.

12. Oh, you're vegan and allergic to everything? Don't go out to eat.

13. No, I cannot change the channel. I don't care about the Yankees and I have things to do right now.

14. Claiming "this isn't what I ordered" when it's exactly what they ordered.

I would know, I took the order. Thanks.

15. No, yeah, it's fine, I enjoy my $1.00 tip even though you paid with a $100 bill.

16. Trying to smile as you're holding the hottest plate ever and nobody is making room at the table to put it down.

Me: "Be careful, it's hot."

(Customer touches plate)

Customer: "Oh wow! That's hot!"

Obviously.

17. "What's good on the menu?"

Everything. Literally everything is good on the menu and I'm sure you'll love it. I am a server, not a mindreader. I have never met you before and I really have no idea what kind of food you like.

18. No, I am not flirting with you. I am trying to be nice.

19. "I'm in a rush."

Okay, I understand I'll make sure to cook your steak halfway so you can leave faster.

20. The Complicated "Everything On The Side" Eater

"Could I have the chicken parm sub, but light on the sauce and cheese. Is that a lot of carbs? I'm, like, on a sugar free diet. Also, no salt, please. Could you just, like, put it on a plate with no bread? Actually, just no sauce and no cheese just put it all on the side. And can I have grilled chicken instead of breaded chicken?"

"So you just want grilled chicken, Ma'm?"