Do you fear that your friends and coworkers don't actually know your name, but instead call you slight variations of your name? Have you ever felt like you've fallen in a pit, and, as a result, broken both of your legs? Is your life motto "Sometimes you've gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot?"
If you have answered "Yes" to any of the following, you might be a character on "Parks and Recreation" or you might be a college student. Since you're probably the latter, here is a list of things you'll learn at college as told "Parks and Recreation."
1. It's important to embrace your life as a poor college student.
This decision is so important, especially when you only have 85 cents in your bank account; 85 cents can't even buy you something off the McDonald's dollar menu.
2. At least your technology works.
Well, most of the time it works, anyway.
3. Your health and your mental sanity will improve when you work out.
Unfortunately, you probably won't be able to run a marathon the first time you work out. Honestly, it's a miracle if you even make it to the rec center.
4. Learning to cook will save you a lot of money and will improve your quality of life.
Even if by "cooking" you mean throwing a frozen pizza in the oven.
5. Sometimes, you will feel like everything that could go wrong is going wrong.
It's okay. Everyone suffers at least one breakdown or existential life crisis during their stint at college.
6. You'll find yourself thrust with more responsibilities than you could have imagined.
Doing laundry (monthly), writing essays, cleaning (periodically), studying for three tests that somehow land within the same 48-hour period, feeding yourself so you can do the aforementioned, etc. The list goes on and frankly gives most of us anxiety.
7. Don't fret, because you'll find your best friends and interact with incredible people.
Those weirdos will transform the stress-filled semesters into hilarious adventures filled with shenanigans and memories.
8. Sleeping becomes a priority.
Other tasks, like showering, often fall by the wayside.
9. On the other hand, you'll know people who never sleep or stop working.
Unless you are one of those people, you will not understand those people. Are their bodies powered by 95 percent energy drink and 5 percent fluff from the Energizer bunny? The world may never know.
10. Self-care is a necessity
'Nuff said.
11. Maybe you'll enter college thinking you're brilliant.
You're smart, don't get me wrong. However, you and your cohorts will do idiotic things, like buying tasers to use on each other, for example, to test your newfound freedom.
12. You'll swarm anything with a pulse that isn't a human being.
Simply said, you can't hate furry or feathered animals. On the contrary, you definitely can hate humans.
13. You'll call your mom.
Even if it's just to tell her that you haven't been killed by a deranged bicyclist yet.
14. Winning intramural sports is equivalent to winning the Stanley Cup and an Olympic gold medal.
Intramurals are the Chuck Norris of the sporting world.
15. Multitasking rarely works.
As much as you try, it never will work successfully unless you're a robot.
16. You'll despise your college rivals with a fiery hatred you didn't know you possessed.
This hatred is solely reserved for your college rivals and reality tv stars who will make millions of dollars more than you ever will without having contributed to society.
17. Hopefully, you will attend class and learn about the world.
It's the reason you decided to attend college in the first place. Surprising, I know!
18. You'll make mistakes.
I hope most of your mistakes can remedied with extreme quantities of breakfast food.
19. You won't be able to wait for the weekends.
You should refuse to attend any parties without food or songs from the early 2000s.
20. In the end, it will all be worth it.
