1. Sometimes, yes, I do hate you.

I could try to lie and sugar coat it and say, "but I always love you!" The truth is that a lot of the time you've made me hate you.

2. I'm proud of myself.

I'm proud of all the games, tournaments, awards, plays, parent nights, and things I've accomplished that you've missed. I'm proud of myself even if you aren't.

3. It isn't my fault.

I spent a lot of time thinking that it is partially my fault but honestly, it's you. You're the parent and I was the kid. You could try to turn it around on me saying that I am now an adult, but at the time I wasn't. You gave up and it was never my job to fix that.

4. Nobody else can understand what I'm going through and I can't forgive that.

Sure, there are people who also have parents who aren't around. But every case is different and it honestly makes me feel alone. Everyone going through this feels like nobody understands what they're going through.

5. I think about you a lot more than it feels like you think about me.

I hear from family and friends that you miss me and want to reconnect. But actions speak louder than words and you've made no effort. I promise at some point in my day, I'll think about you and it never feels like you do.

6. Every time someone talks about their parent that I don't have, it hurts me.

I would give anything to be able to so casually say, 'My mom/dad is calling me hold on,' but I'll never get that.

7. Thinking about the future in regards to you, sucks.

I'll never get those cute traditional photos that everyone else gets. My future kids won't know you. My wedding would be awkward if you were even there. That isn't fair, you're my parent.

8. Looking at pictures isn't fun and nostalgic for me.

You're not around and all these pictures still are. It's all ruined for me because I don't get to do 'transformation Tuesday,' because what has transformed when you haven't been around in years?

9. It's sad knowing you chose your lifestyle knowing it didn't have me in it.

You'd rather be irresponsible, distant, and cold rather than grow up and being the parent you signed up to be.

10. I'm not bitter.

Although this article might seem like it, I'm really not. There will always be things that make me mad or spiteful, but I've grown to be happy. I'm happy with or without you.

11. You missed out on a cool ass kid.

I'm not bragging about myself but I've learned that sometimes it is okay for me to do so. I accomplished a lot, did a lot of cool things, and influenced a lot of people. And I'm sorry you missed that.

12. I had a lot of people that helped me along the way.

Whether it was my stepparent, coach, teacher, friends, or friend's parents; I figured it out. They helped me fill a void that you left unannounced.

13. I'm not being dramatic.

I've learned that I'm entitled to every emotion I feel about this. This wasn't easy to deal with and now I have every right to feel how I feel.

14. It isn't fair that I have to feel anxious whenever you're around.

You can say that I shouldn't be, but you have created a tense and awkward relationship that can't be fixed.

15. I really do wish things could've been different.

I mean that I really wish you could've handled things differently and we could've had a relationship. But sometimes life has a different plan.

16. I truly hope you never felt how I felt.

I highly doubt that you did because it was your decision, but I hope nobody has to go through what I went through and how I felt.

17. Every text I get from you feels like a punch to my gut.

As I said before, it will never feel normal. When I see your name come up on my phone it just reminds me of all that I've been through all over again.

18. It still baffles me that you couldn't even bring yourself to say, "Happy Birthday," or "Merry Christmas," some years.

I don't know if you forgot or just didn't care but for whatever reason, it hurt. As much as I'd like to say I'm glad you didn't contact me to ruin my day, this hurt worse.

19. I'm glad this happened because I know I want my kids to have way better.

I can't decide if I either don't want kids altogether or want to be the best parent I can possibly be and let my kids a better experience than I did.

20. Lastly, I'm fine...even though you don't ask.

I had a ton of birthdays, dances, sporting events, graduations, first dates, break-ups, jobs, holidays, vacations, amazing times, horrible times, and everything in between without you and I did fine. I'll continue to do fine. I'm sorry that you chose a life without me and I truly don't think I'll ever understand it. I'm sorry if you see this and it hurts, but you hurt me worse.

Thanks to my parent that stayed, my stepparent that filled your shoes even when that isn't what they signed up for, and my friends that helped me deal with this. I couldn't have done it without you all.