In fast paced, never resting, ever changing America, there are always new, exciting diets and exercises cycling through our social system. Some stick, like CrossFit, and some don't, like the Sleeping Beauty Diet, although I think over the two we would have all chose the latter.
However, there's one lifestyle in particular that has been around for much longer than you think and will not be going anywhere: Vegan; and vegans are tired of hearing just about everything everyone has to say about them.
1. Where do you get your protein?
First, why do you care? And second, have you seen the amount of protein that vegans consume? Just because it doesn't come from a dead animal doesn't mean that it isn't real protein. If you're honestly concerned, ask us about how we're taking in all of our essential vitamins and nutrients.
2. Can you even eat anything?
Nope, nothing. We just starve ourselves and occasionally drink water so we don't die.
3. What do you eat?
So. Many. Things. Just expand your mind for three seconds.
4. So basically you just eat salad all day, right?
If you consider pancakes and burritos and protein bowls and shakes and cookies to be salad, then yes. We just eat salad and nothing else. Ever.
5. Are you doing it for the animals?
As much as we love talking about our passions, unless you're truly interested, don't ask this question.
6. I heard this one joke about vegans...
We know the joke. Say it one more time and we will end you with our pure raw power.
7. "...you know they're vegan cause they said so..."
First, false. Second, yeah, sometimes we have to tell people we're vegan before they give us food that we can't eat or offer us something that we have to awkwardly decline. It's just like warning people about allergies or dietary restrictions; we don't just say it just to say it.
8. You know, vegetables are alive too, so you're basically killing vegetables.
I'm basically going to kill my brain cells if I continue this conversation.
9. Do you ever go out to eat or..?
Nope, never. I just stay inside and eat cardboard all the time because no one in the outside world understands what it's like to eat vegan.
10. Can I eat meat in front of you?
YES I WILL NOT HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN YOU ARE FINE.
11. Do you still eat fish?
Really?
12. I couldn't live without bacon.
Good for you. I can. And I'm extending my life while doing it.
13. One time I went three days without eating meat.
Good for you.
14. I just couldn't do it.
You could, you just haven't tried.
15. Have you ever eaten animal crackers?
Honestly, I just laugh every time.
16. But we were born to be carnivores.
Just because I was "born to do" something, doesn't mean I have to. This is my choice.
17. Is breast milk vegan?
Just stop.
18. Wasn't Hitler a vegan?
NO AND I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW THIS IS RELEVANT.
19. If I gave you a million dollars, would you eat this cheeseburger?
Shut up.
