My boyfriend and I have been together for roughly six and a half years. We met in the most random of ways in the spring of 2010 and the rest is history. When you've been dating for as long as we have, some things just come with the territory. We treat each other's family as our own (because let's be real, at this point they are), our fights are super mundane (mostly about how apparently it's not cool to watch the same episode of Bob's Burgers before bed every night), and finally, other people have a lot of exceptions about our relationship.
For some reason, people seem to constantly want to thrust themselves into relationships that have nothing to do with them. The longer we continue to date, the more aggressive the unwarranted advice and questions become. There are two main concerns everyone else seems to have about our relationship.
1. When are you getting married?
If I had a dollar for every time someone asks me or Aaron "When's the wedding???" or "When's he gonna put a ring on it??" I'd be decently rich. Aaron and I were blessed with some great photographer friends, so every once in a while we get to take cute photos together. The largest downfall to this perk is the fact that when posting these photos the caption "not engagement photos" has to be added. Every time. And even so, at least one family member or one Facebook friend makes an engagement or marriage comment about it. Any time we go on a trip, when I get back someone asks if he popped the question. It seems that no matter what we find ourselves doing, someone always finds a way to turn it into an opportunity to ask when we're getting hitched.
As if the pure annoyance wasn't reason enough to stop asking this question, perhaps put yourself in the couple's shoes and think about all of the reasons a couple might not be getting married quite yet. Maybe they don't have the money. Weddings are quite expensive you know. Or perhaps they simply enjoy dating. Maybe they don't believe in marriage. So, before you let this question pass over your tongue and through your lips again, perhaps consider not asking. After all, it really isn't your business.
2. When are you guys going to have kids?
Having a child is a life altering and personal decision that needs to be left to the people in the actual relationship. Despite the very obvious reasons for refraining from interrogating a couple on when they're going to procreate, we still get tons of comments and questions. "When are you guys going to finally give us a mini version of the two of you?" "You know, parenthood is a wonderful journey!"
This shouldn't even need to be said, but asking a couple when they're going to have kids is very personal, inappropriate and bordering on very rude depending on the person asking. For starters, you may not want to just assume that all couples are going to have kids. Some people don't want children at all. On the other hand, some people want children but are unable to have them. And for those who do want to eventually have a family, now just might not be the time. Along with the first question, you may want to empathize with the couple and their possible reasons for why they may not have a mini me running around before you open your mouth to ask such a personal question.
Despite how innocent your intentions may be, think twice before you ask a couple these questions. You may think you're just being curious but they're deeply personal questions that could have many possibly answers that all happen to be none of your business.
