19 Things White People Like

Now, before y’all go and completely trash me on the internet for my white fragility or whatever it is (I know I’m fragile but it’s not because I’m white), just know this article is supposed to be lighthearted and fun. Now that I’ve stated the obvious, let me begin.

1.Base Tans

We get so freaking white in the winter that we actually have to work on a “base tan” so we don’t fry. You have to get tan to tan.

2. Virtue signaling

It goes something like, “Yes, I’m white, but no I’m not racist. I voted for Obama.” Most white people aren’t racist but we can always count on, like, 1% of white people to be racist enough to make us all look racist.

3. Elevated surfaces

You know the ones who do off-the-wall mess that makes you question their sanity. What’s the first thing you think of when you hear the words “sky diving?” That goes for other thrill seeking nonsense like jumping off cliffs, base jumping, or anything that involves jumping off or out of things you shouldn’t... including tables, bars and chairs.

4. Running to the worst possible place in horror movies

It’s a great idea to run to the graveyard or abandoned shack when a murderous ax slinger is after you.

5. Brunch

What white person doesn’t like brunch? It’s breakfast AND lunch. It’s so sophisticated.

6. Country Music

We really love us some good ole country music. We love singing about small towns even though we grew up in country club in Florida.

7. Alternative music

We love angsty music about unrequited love by a band whose name resembles a mad lib.

8. Soccer

It’s like the only sport white people are good at. And golf.

9. Golf tournaments

I don’t know why but golf tournaments are actually really fun.

10. Pastel colors

11. Winery Tours

You bet your sweet behind I’m going on a wine tour after I get mimosas at brunch for my 21st birthday.

12. Monograms

Whoever came up with monograms lived with sisters who like to steal clothes.

13. Vineyard Vines and Lilly Pulitzer

14. Jacked up trucks

I don’t understand the allure of having a truck you have to use a step stool to get in, but my high school was full of them.

15. Old Row and TFM/TSM

Not gonna lie, I’ve sent in pics to Old Row. I can’t say any of them have made it, but I tried and that’s enough for me.

16. Shonda Rhimes’ shows

White girls live for "Grey’s Anatomy" and "Scandal." We aspire to be Meredith Grey and Olivia Pope

17. OTBTS, Birkenstocks, and Chacos

I couldn't understand why anyone with eyeballs would wear these shoes, but now I'm mourning the loss of my Chacos and looking into buying some Birks and OTBTs.

18. Mission trips to impoverished places

19. The Confederate Flag

IT'S HERITAGE NOT HATE!!!!!!!