We know you mean well, and half of the time you are simply trying to make conversation. But on behalf of all of us who are graduating, please stop asking us these few questions...unless having to awkwardly make someone stop crying is your hobby.
1. Where have you applied?
Let’s be honest, we have all probably only applied to our dream job we have thought about the last four (or six) years, and that's about it at this point. All of our eggs are in one basket and if we don't get that job then we will be strippers, it's fine.
2. Have you studied for the test?
No, we haven’t studied for the test. Even if it’s the morning of the test, we still have not studied. With the stress of having no idea where your future is headed, a 4.0 is the last thing on our minds.
3. Have you bought your cap and gown yet?
No, because we are choosing to avoid the fact that this is all actually happening.
4. What are you and your BF/GF going to do after you graduate? Are you going to apply in the same areas? Are you both even graduating?
Honestly, who do you think you are asking these types of questions? Get us a box of tissues and a bottle of Fireball because you’re in for a treat.
5. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
We don’t even know where we see ourselves in 10 days.
6. Do you know where you want to work?
No, we have only spent the last four years crying, stressing and losing our hair for shits and gigs. Of course we know where we want to work. If you want, we can sit down and give you every detail about out dream office, right down to whether or not the building has carpet or cherrywood flooring.
7. Are you thinking about going to grad school?
We are so focused on surviving the next few weeks that the thought of any additional schooling is enough to start another meltdown.
8. Do you have a job lined up yet?
Bye.
9. Have you applied for your diploma?
We have to do that?? That’s actually a thing?
10. Can I borrow your notes?
HAHAHAHAHA, we most likely didn’t even take our backpack to class yesterday.
11. Have you been crying?
The answer is yes and if you remind us that we were crying we will start thinking about why we were crying and then will begin crying all over again. Just give us a sympathetic nod and be on your way.
12. Do you know how few places are hiring in this economy?
Well, we couldn’t be any poorer than we already are, so YOLO.
13. Why did you choose this career field?
Do not ask us this. It makes us doubt ourselves.
14. Have you considered the expenses of moving far from home?
Again, we could not be any more broke than we already are. Bring it on, city bills.
15. Would you be interested in donating to the program as an alum?
LOL.
16. How many places that you applied to have gotten back to you?
Honestly, how dare you.
17. Are you nervous about graduating?
CLEARLY. Everyone is nervous about graduating. That’s like asking someone with Ebola if they are feeling good.
18. Is there anything you regret not doing these past four years in college?
I wasn’t involved in enough clubs; I should’ve gone to more games; I should’ve gone to more games sober; I should’ve studied more because my GPA is pathetic; I wish I had volunteered at least once; I should’ve been more active on campus; I should have worked out more because who wants to hire a potato.
19 Want to go get a marg?
Now THAT is a question we want to hear.
