Welcome to the year of alternative facts! If you haven't been living under a rock, you probably know that the current word for a lie or falsehood is an "alternative fact," thanks to President Trump's counselor, Kellyanne Conway. While this may have sparked a great deal of controversy--it also gave us a beautifully sugar-coated word for when we don't feel like telling the truth. What more could anyone want? Thanks, Kellyanne!
As a student, it's fairly easy to rattle off alternative facts all day and most of us do it without even realizing it. Look at us, doing Kellyanne proud. Here are some of the most common alternative facts every student finds themselves saying:
1. "This semester, I'm not skipping any classes."
*Skips the second day of class* Well, you tried. Just try not to be the kid who "skipt" too many days.
2."I'm going to eat healthy today."
We all know this just isn't true.
3."Today's the day I finally go to the gym."
Keep telling yourself that, and maybe one day it will finally happen.
4."I'll just wake up early and finish the assignment in the morning."
We've all been there, and we've all taken the L on that assignment.
5."I'm not watching any Netflix today."
*Binge watches the entire season of Shameless* Oops.
6. "Tonight's the night I finally get eight hours of sleep."
Until you lay in bed, staring at your phone, thinking of all of the things you have yet to get done.
7."I don't need to study, *insert class here* is easy!"
It's an alternative fact everyone wants to believe, but we all know it just isn't true.
8."I think I'm going to stay in this weekend and catch up on homework."
Hahahaha, good one.
9."Dining hall food isn't THAT bad."
Perhaps this is an alternative fact for those talking to their parents, trying to convince them that they're doing okay and the food is edible.
10. "I woke up for high school at 6:30 every day, I can totally handle an 8 a.m."
If I had a quarter for every time I've heard a freshman rattle this alternative fact off, I'd be rich.
11."I'm pretty confident about this test/quiz/paper."
You keep telling yourself that.
12."This semester, I'm going to get involved and join so many clubs!"
*Only leaves dorm/apartment for class, food and work* Maybe next semester?
13."I swear this is the semester where I actually do my course readings."
An alternative fact for the ages.
14."I'm not taking any naps today."
This is about as alternative as it gets.
15."OK FINE, I'm not taking two naps today."
That's more like it.
16."This semester, I'm going to use my laptop for note taking in class, not for Pinterest scrolling."
*Sees picture of cute dog pop up on feed* *Instantly scrolls through Pinterest for eternity*
17."It's going to be a long semester."
Truthfully, it's going to be as long as any other semester you've ever had. Besides, time goes by quicker than you think. But, by all means, keep telling yourself that.
Us students sure would make Kellyanne proud.
