The inspiration for this week's article was a bit of an unusual one. I was sitting down (at the last minute again) to brainstorm ideas with my brother on Friday night. I was having a hard time focusing and was a bit hungry yet, so I went and got myself the delicious treat that is a sundae nut cone. As I stared at the blinking cursor on the blank word document that was this article, sundae nut cone in hand, I joked that maybe I should write my article about ice cream, and more specifically, why it is/can be better than people. It is my favorite food after all and I had no other bright ideas at the time, so I figured writing this article would be a cake walk (ha!). And so without further ado, here is a list of 16 ways that ice cream can be better than people.
1. You can eat it.
The first and most obvious way that ice cream is better than people is that you can eat it, unlike...well, you know what I'm talking about. Even our man, President Obama, enjoys some every once in a while.
2. It's always sweet.
Ice cream will always be nice and sweet to you, unlike some people you have met and will continue to meet in your life.
3. It won't do anything to hurt you.
Unless you're lactose intolerant or you eat it too fast and get a brain freeze, which in that case is your fault, ice cream will never do anything to hurt you in any way. It has no hidden agendas or bad intentions against you...it's ice cream.
4. It will always make you feel better.
In fact, ice cream does the exact opposite of hurting you--it makes you feel better. Just ask any of the number of people who have eaten it to help get through a break-up or just a rough time in general.
5. It always keeps it cool/its cool.
Pun intended. Ice cream is the kind of laid-back buddy you never have to worry about blowing its lid. It helps that it spends most of its time in a freezer.
6. It's always down for some spooning.
No matter what and no matter where, ice cream is always game for a little bit of spooning. You know, if you're into that sort of thing.
7. It's always delicious.
This trait is a little hard to compare to people since, you know, but in my opinion ice cream is the most delicious food ever invented. You will rarely find a batch of ice cream that doesn't taste good.
8. It won't let you down.
Much like Rick Astley (singer of "Never Gonna Give You Up"), ice cream is never gonna let you down. Unless you let it melt, which in that case shame on you, ice cream is one dependable treat.
9. You can put it in the freezer when you're done with it.
When you've had your fill of ice cream and no longer wish to see/eat it anymore, you have the option of putting it in the freezer (or the trash) when you're done. Now if only it could be that simple for people you don't want to see anymore.
10. You can always buy some new/more ice cream.
This one can be easily explained. You can't buy people when you want new/different ones or more of them--no matter how much you may want to sometimes.
11. There's a flavor out there for everyone to enjoy.
From cookie dough to sherbet, there are so many different flavors of ice cream that it's nearly impossible to not find at least one you will like. This isn't always the case with people.
12. It won't complain about how it's served.
Unlike some of the rude customers you may encounter in a store or restaurant, ice cream doesn't care about how it's served. You can eat it in a cone, in a dish--however you wish.
13. You can at least give it a taste test to see if you like it.
Ice cream is something that you can sample to see if you like it or not and whether you want to keep eating it. People, unfortunately, don't come with that option. Sometimes you have to put up with the ones you don't like.
14. It cools you down on a hot day.
This is another obvious one. Unless you count someone paying for air conditioning/a fan for you or the less likely option of having someone fan you like a personal servant, no person can cool you off like a serving of ice cream can. (You can get other people to buy you the ice cream that cools you down, though.)
15. It's much cheaper than having a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Some types of ice cream may be expensive for you to buy, but at least you don't have to worry about buying anything for your ice cream that you would, for say, a significant other.
16. It's smooth so you don't have to be.
Lastly, even on it's off days, ice cream always brings its A-game and will be smooth even when you aren't.
And there you have it. My rather extensive (yet not complete) list of ways ice cream can be better than people. You may think after reading this that I don't like people...which isn't entirely true. There are just certain people that I enjoy less than a big bowl of delicious cookie dough ice cream. Now I don't know about you, but all this talk about ice cream has got me craving some more. I think I'm going to make myself a bowl and I encourage you to do the same. Happy eating!
