16 Signs It's Time To Break Up With Your Significant Other
Start writing a post
Swoon

16 Signs It's Time To Break Up With Your Significant Other

14. Your heart is not in it anymore

6294
16 Signs It's Time To Break Up With Your Significant Other
Pixabay

Millennials catch a lot of grief for how they handle relationships, romance, and sex. People often label millennials as needing to be instantly gratified, and therefore, don’t know how to stick by their significant others through tough times.

Truthfully, it’s very hard to know when you should keep trying or give up and walk away. It’s hard to give up on something you’ve put so much time, effort, energy, and love into. It’s difficult to admit that you’ve tried everything and nothing is working, but the fact of the matter is sometimes love and effort truly aren’t enough.

Sometimes people just aren’t right for each other. But figuring that out is never an easy task. Sometimes it’s easier to stay because you’ve become attached and comfortable in the relationship, and you assure yourself (and maybe even your partner) that this is just a phase and it’ll get better with time. But what if it isn’t a phase? What if the relationship has just become too unhealthy and broken to fix, and no amount of effort can make it as good as it used to be? It’s hard to tell when it’s time to call it quits and put your well-being and happiness first.

But there are some pretty clear signs on how to tell when it’s time to break up with your significant other.


1. They cheated on you

There is no excuse for this. None. If they loved you they wouldn’t have done it. If they respected you and cared about your feelings they wouldn’t have done it. They knew it would hurt you, and they did it anyway. It doesn’t matter how many times they say they’re sorry or that they wish they could take it back, or any of those empty promises they’re feeding you. If they had loved you, they wouldn’t have done it. You don’t deserve to be with someone that hurts you that deeply. Cheating is the ultimate betrayal to a relationship. It not only breaks your heart, but it breaks your trust. And there is no point in having a relationship without trust. It’s going to cause a lot of anger and bitterness between you, and will probably ruin your relationship further and cause more damage.

There is no reason to stay with a person that has cheated on you, regardless of how long you’ve been together or how much you love them. You will be fine without them. After all, you would never treat yourself like that, so why let anyone else do the same?

2. They invalidate your feelings

If they don’t respect you and your feelings, GET OUT. Plain and simple. If you tell them something makes you upset and they ignore it, that’s unhealthy. If you tell them something is bothering you and they tell you to get over it, that’s unhealthy. If they can’t sympathize with your feelings, thoughts, or where you are coming from, they are not respecting you. You deserve a partner that cares about your feelings and your needs. We are all humans with complex emotions and need constant reassurance and support regarding our feelings.

If your partner is not supporting your feelings than it’s just going to hurt you in the long run. You deserve to have your feelings validated, for someone to listen to you and make an effort to make you feel better, not dismiss your feelings and make you feel bad for having them.

3. They don’t take responsibility for their actions

If they’re constantly messing up, doing things you’ve asked them not to, or hurting you, and then not accepting what they’ve done, it’s time to leave them behind. If they’re always blaming other people or things for their mistakes, or especially if they’re always blaming you, it’s a sign they’re not mature enough for a relationship.

Your partner should never be putting all the blame on you, or putting you down. If they can’t say they’re sorry (and mean it) and show you they feel bad for what they’ve done, and try to fix it or change their behavior, why are you still there? I’m not saying no one can screw up from time to time in a relationship, because we’re only human after all. But if they’re consistently letting you down, why keep giving them the opportunity to do so when they’ve proven they can’t or won't change?

4. They make you feel like you owe them something

If your partner is constantly making you feel guilty for asking for help or support, that’s not okay. Your significant other should never hold things over your head, or make you feel bad for asking for something. Your partner should want to help you because they love you and that’s part of what being in a relationship entails. If they’re making you feel like you owe them something, chances are they’re probably romantically immature, selfish, or abusive. None of which are good traits to have in a partner.

You should never ever feel like a burden to your partner or feel like you owe them something. You should feel loved and support and cared about. If they’re making you feel anything less than that, they are not worth your time or your love.

5. There are double standards in the relationship

This is incredibly frustrating to deal with. If your partner gets upset with you for doing certain things or tells you they don’t want you doing certain things, but then turns around and does it themselves and tries to justify their behavior: that’s a double standard. Relationships are supposed to be even, give and take, with an agreement of what’s okay and what is not okay between the both of you. It is not fair if one person isn’t held accountable to these “rules,” while you are being ridiculed for not following them. You and your partner should have the same expectations for each other and should treat each other how you want to be treated. If your partner isn’t respecting you or holding you to the same accord as themselves, break up with them! You deserve more.

6. They don’t support you

The whole point of being in a relationship (besides loving the person) is to be with someone that pushes you to better yourself and supports you in your goals. If your partner is not supporting you they are holding you back and preventing you from reaching your full potential. If they get mad that you’re accomplishing great things instead of being proud of you, DUMP THEM.

Your partner should never be jealous of your achievements, hold you back, want you to fail, or prevent you from succeeding. Your partner is supposed to be your number one fan, and support you in whatever you want to do purely because they love you and want you to see you be happy. If they’re not supporting you they’re being selfish, and love is supposed to be anything but selfish.

7. They try to control you

There are varying degrees of controlling behavior in a relationship, but regardless none of them are acceptable. Your significant other should not try to control what you wear, what you post on social media, who you talk to, who you’re friends with, or what you’re doing with yourself. You are in charge of your own body and your own life. It’s fine if they tell you they like when you wear a certain clothing item, or state that something you posted made them uncomfortable, or they don’t like certain friends because they don’t treat you right, or they’re worried about something you’ve been doing. But it’s never okay for them to try and tell you what to do or how to live your life.

You are your own person, and no one can tell you how to live your life. If your partner is trying to control aspects of you or your life, that’s not healthy. Chances are the controlling behavior is just going to get worse with time, so get out while you still can.

8. They don’t let you hang out with your friends or do things without them

This is a very big warning sign that you’re either in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. Everyone needs space outside of their relationship, they need to be someone without their partner and need the time and the people to do that with. If your partner gets mad at you or picks a fight with you every time you try to do something without them, that’s not okay. If they make you feel guilty for doing things without them, that’s not okay. You have plenty of time to do things together, and they need to understand that they don’t own you. They have to share you with the rest of the wonderful people in your life, and respect that you are a person outside of them.

Love is not supposed to be selfish and smothering, it should be encouraging growth. If they’re too insecure about your relationship to let you do things without them, there’s probably a lot of other unhealthy things going on in the relationship too.

9. They’re abusive

People assume this should be a no-brainer, but it’s actually hard to tell when someone is being abusive towards you. There are varying degrees to a physical, emotional, and/or verbally abusive relationship. It’s also hard to tell when you’re in an abusive relationship because your abuser is generally very manipulative and makes you feel like everything wrong in the relationship is your fault. Which makes it harder to realize that actually, you’re not the issue here, they are. But you can usually feel it in the pit of your stomach and in the back of your mind. Something tells you that the relationship doesn’t feel right anymore, or that things in your relationship aren't normal.

If they’re making you unhappy, putting you down, blaming everything on you, lashing out on you, controlling you, and hurting you, they are abusing you! It’s very difficult to accept that someone we love and care about is abusing us, but it happens all the time. It can be difficult to recognize this situation and even harder to leave. But it will only get worse, I promise you. And harder to leave the longer you stay. Think of your happiness and your safety, and get out! As hard as it seems you will thank yourself.

10. Your friends/family don’t like them

Almost always your friends and family can see the signs of a bad relationship or someone that isn’t good for you before you do. It’s easier for them because they’re not involved in the relationship, they don’t have feelings or attachments to your partner, and they have a completely different perspective on the matter. So listen to them when they say that they don’t like them, or they’re not treating you right, or that the relationship is not healthy. Truly listen to them and think about it, don’t get defensive. They’re not trying to attack you, they just want what’s best for you and for you to be happy.

If all of your friends and family tell you that your partner just isn’t right for you, chances are they’re probably right and you’re going to wish they had told you sooner - or that you had listened sooner.

11. You’re not happy

Okay, I know this one isn’t always easy to tell either. Happiness is relative and if you have other things going on in your life it can be hard to tell what exactly is making you unhappy, and if your relationship is a source of that unhappiness. It’s true that relationships are hard work, but they shouldn’t leave you drained. It shouldn’t feel like a burden or inconvenience, and it shouldn’t add to your stress levels. If you’re spending most days unhappy and fighting, if most holidays, dates, and/or outings leave you miserable, chances are the relationship is causing you unnecessary stress. There’s also a chance that your partner is just as unhappy as you are. But no one wants to admit that someone that they love and care about is no longer the person that makes them happy.

However, you owe it to yourself to be happy. At the end of the day, all that matters is that you are happy. You don’t owe anyone anything and if they care about you, they’ll respect that fact that you have to do what’s best for yourself, even if they're not it.

12. You can’t be yourself around them

Your partner is supposed to be just that, your partner. They’re supposed to be your best friend, your side kick. If you feel like you can’t be yourself around them or have to hide certain aspects of yourself from them, they are not the one for you. Your partner should love and accept every part of you, even your flaws and downfalls, because that’s what makes you who you are. If you’re with someone who you can’t be yourself around you are literally repressing yourself and that can lead to some very bad things, like depression. You deserve to be with someone that makes you feel like you can be yourself, and when you find people that do just that you’re going to be very thankful you didn’t settle for anything less.

13. You feel different

This concept is complicated because feelings change and people change constantly. It’s nearly impossible to feel the exact same way about someone forever. But there are different ways that feelings can change, and sometimes it’s not for the better. It’s normal to not love your partner in the same exact way you did when you first fell in love, or six months after you were together, or two years down the line, etc. But one thing is for certain, if you are not still madly in love with this person, if they don’t still make you insatiably happy, and you don’t look forward to seeing them or hearing their voice – you’re probably falling out of love with them. And it’s not fair to you or your partner to continue to date them if you don’t feel the same way anymore. It happens, feelings change.

It’s not always anyone’s fault, it’s just part of life. But by staying with your partner, you’re robbing them of a chance for someone else to feel madly in love with them. You’re always wasting time on them, when you could be happy and madly in love with someone else (or even just with yourself). You’re putting energy and effort into a relationship you’re not feeling anymore, and that’s not fair to anybody.

14. Your heart is not in it anymore

If you are no longer fully committed to your partner and the relationship, it’s not worth it. If you don’t even bother fighting with them anymore because you’ve given up, or if you’ve stopped caring about the relationship or your partner, your heart is not in it anymore. And if you’re no longer feeling the relationship you are not doing you or your partner any favors by sticking around. You’re just making it worse for you and your partner. A significant other can tell when their partner doesn’t feel the same anymore, and it can be incredibly frustrating to try your hardest to make someone happy and keep failing. The bottom line is you can't force feelings that aren't there anymore. You can’t help that you don’t love them anymore. You can’t change that so why bother to keep trying?

15. You can’t stop thinking about breaking up with them

Chances are, if you’re reading this article, then you already know what the answer is. If you’re consistently thinking about breaking up with them or what your life would be like if you weren’t together, it’s time to break up. That’s your heart telling you you’re just not into it anymore. You are wasting so much of your time and energy by only being half-committed to your partner - because let’s be honest if you’re always thinking about breaking up with them you’re not actually committed to them. The amount of time you sit there being unhappy and wondering if life would be better without them could be spent on so many other activities and involvements that could fulfill you and make you happy.

If you can’t stop thinking about breaking up with them, then it’s time to let go and see what life has to offer without your partner. Chances are you’ll thank yourself for it and wish you had done it sooner.

16. You have feelings for someone else

Unless you are a poly-amorous individual, this is a very clear sign that you are not happy in your relationship and it’s time to move on. Let me be clear, though, it’s normal to have crushes on other people, it’s normal to be sexually attracted to other people. It is not, however, normal to want to spend more time with your “crush” than your partner, to feel happier around your crush than with your partner, to feel more connected with your crush than your partner. It's not normal to hide hangouts, conversations, or meetings with your crush, from your partner. If you’re thinking about your crush and what it would be like to date them, or have sex with them, or whatever else, you’re developing feelings for someone that is not your significant other and that’s not fair to your partner. They’re committed to you and have no idea that you’re over there daydreaming about someone else. They don’t deserve to be treated like that, no one does.

If you’re feeling something for someone else you’re not being honest with yourself or your heart. You’d be happier if you were honest with yourself and your partner and recognized that your relationship is coming to an end. If you are capable of having feelings for someone else than it means your heart doesn't want this relationship anymore.

Break-ups can be hard but not being true to yourself and accepting less than what you deserve is harder. You deserve to be respected, supported and loved. Above all else, you deserve to happy. It might seem like the hardest thing in the world to let go and move on, but your future self will thank you. I promise.

Report this Content
Swoon

23 Pandemic-Approved Date Ideas That'll Send Sparks Flying From Six Feet Apart

There's a safe way to date right now and yes, it includes masks.

191957

While some people would rather opt out of dating altogether during the pandemic so they don't have to wear a mask on a first date, others are choosing to listen to both guidelines and their heart in order to find love during the time of coronavirus (COVID-19).

Should you be one of the individuals welcoming romance right now, there are pandemic-approved dates you can go on that still adhere to guidelines (and yes, you'll have to wear a mask).

Keep Reading... Show less

I didn't believe the notification when it came through to my phone: Ruth Bader Ginsburg had died from complications due to cancer.

Keep Reading... Show less

In our patriarchal society, men hide from their feelings, but toxic masculinity is literally killing men. They swallow the pain and move on so that they can look, feel, and act "tough."

But, strength is derived from asking for help and voicing your struggle and, trust me, working on your mental health is one hell of a struggle. The real way to "man up" is to acknowledge the downfalls in unjust societal norms. Mental health problems do not mean that a man is weak, they are neurologically-based disorders that require professional treatment.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

11 Things Your Boyfriend Should Do Before He Drops $499 On A PS5

Let's start with spending less time gaming and more time with you.

15662

Scrolling through Twitter this week had me rolling on the floor laughing as I read some of the hilarious tweets from ladies who, whether in a relationship or not, shared reactions to the news that PlayStation 5 is on its way

As this "buy your boyfriend a PS5" joke takes off across the internet, let's just say, there are a few things your BF should be doing before dropping $499 on the new gaming system — or, if the tweets are real for some, before you buy it for him as a gift.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

Sorry, But 'I Don’t Care About Politics' Is Not A Valid Excuse For NOT Voting

The younger generation of voters is so crucial to the upcoming election because our vote is going to shape the world that we are about to enter as adults.

38296

When I ask my friends if they are voting this term most of them respond with "no" followed by an explanation of "I don't care enough," "It doesn't affect me," or "I don't keep up with politics," etc. I get it, as a college student I know that there are many other things to be concerned about like school, relationships, work, and friends. I also understand that keeping up with politics can seem like trying to keep up with an over-exaggerated reality show that has way too many seasons. Not to mention most news stations and websites are biased so it's hard to decipher if what you hear is true or fake.

However, despite all of this annoyance, as the next generation of Americans, we have to remember that we owe it to ourselves, our families, and to our futures to care.

Keep Reading... Show less
Tasia Sli

Tasia Sli and Anna Yang met in quintessential New York fashion at a chic rooftop event, inquisitive Yale grad Anna gravitating towards model/entrepreneur Tasia.

Keep Reading... Show less
Photo by Anna Hernández-Buces

"Do you have big parties on Cinco de Mayo?"

Keep Reading... Show less

Two of my favorite things in life are reading and books. Obviously, they go hand-in-hand. In my life, I've realized that there is nothing better than learning about the current world or getting fully immersed in another world. Reading can inspire, teach, and entertain you.

For me, the feeling of opening a book and smelling that fresh book smell can't compete with anything else.

Keep Reading... Show less

Expecting mother and wife to singer/songwriter John Legend may have accidentally slipped up and revealed the gender of her and Legend's third baby today on her Instagram story.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

20 Books About Latin And Hispanic Heritage Absolutely Everyone Should Have On Their Bookshelf

Any ally of the community needs to be reading these incredible reads.

10721

I go through phases when it comes to what I like to read. I am typically reading two books at any given time: one serious nonfiction and one escapist fiction novel to have on hand and open up depending on my mood.

What remains consistent, however, amongst most of my fellow bibliophiles is a desire to try new and different authors and genres. I, as an Indian woman, have been partial to reading books written by fellow Indian and Desi writers since I first got a library card.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Asked 46 Women What They Thought About The Term 'Plus-Size', And Here's What They Had To Say

It's 2020, where change is inevitable and norms are not only questioned, but challenged.

6210

We live in a world where it's become customary to push boundaries, break rules, and question standards upheld by society. Though try as we might, some of these standards are harder to conquer than others — body image is one of the top contenders.

For years, the body positivity movement has pushed for the acceptance of all marginalized body types not represented or celebrated in the media. Recently, we've gotten better at appreciating and accepting all body types, but one thing that's still lingering is the stigma of body image in the fashion industry — more specifically, the term "plus-size."

Keep Reading... Show less
Netflix

Many popular TV shows are holding off premiers until spring, so most people are relying on their television subscriptions to get them through a socially distant fall semester.

Thankfully, Netflix was busy filming this past year because there is a ton of new original content coming in the near future. From mysteries to romances, here are some of the best new shows you have to check out this year:

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

Taylor Swift Sang 'betty' At The ACMs And It Was The Perfect First Live 'folklore' Performance

I guarantee that Inez is spreading rumors about how fire this performance was.

5009
CBS

The Academy of Country Music Awards were last night and the performances were wonderful, but Taylor Swift's live version of "betty" from her newest album "folklore" really took the cake for me.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

9 Reasons I Unfollowed All The Fitness Influencers On My Instagram Feed

I don't need to feel bad about myself because of who I follow on social media.

3791

Throughout quarantine, something that a lot of us picked up on was working out. With all the free time, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to work on that "dream bod" you've been wanting for years, or to just feel good about yourself.

A common way to stay motivated and keep yourself on-task is to follow fitness influencers on various platforms. For some people, yes, this can be a healthy and helpful way to keep your drive. In other cases, however, this can do more harm than good.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments