For most of my life, I was (and probably most of you were) asked the hard questions in life: Where are you applying for college? What will your major be? What do you want to do after college? What do you want to do with that degree? We all have had to ponder on the answers to these questions. I have had to answer these questions at every wedding, birthday party, bridal shower etc... and I go to these events at least once every two months. Whether being asked these questions over and over has made me the way I am today -- constantly planning -- I can’t tell. What I do know is that ever since middle school, I have had to have a plan.

I need plans. Plan A, plan B and sometimes a plan C. My friends always laugh at me when I say I have a 15 year plan, but I always feel scared for the ones who don’t. Whenever people tell me they don't know what they are doing, my response is, “It’s OK!” Based on how many go to college as “undeclared,” majority of college kids don’t know what they want to do. Most of the ones who think they know end up changing their minds halfway through, or worse, near what would be the end of their college careers. Even worse are the recent graduates who join their field, start working and realize they hate their jobs and wish they had majored in something else. This is what scares me the most and keeps me up at night. Literally. I’ve had breakdowns over not having a plan or even not having a good enough plan. I mean crying hysterically, shallow breathing and fetal position on the floor types of breakdowns. So even though I say, “It’s OK,” to the people without plans, it would definitely never be OK for me.

Plans give me a sense of security and control over my life. They give me goals and a focus so I don’t feel like my life is spiraling out of control. When I was in middle school, researching colleges was fun. I loved planning ahead and thinking about college and just having goals. I researched the required GPAs, SAT/ACT scores and even read the personal statements of people who were admitted into my dream schools. I remember even having a sheet of paper with all of that information for every school I wanted to go to hanging above my desk. I would look at it everyday and remember why I had to work so hard. This is probably not what most middle school students do, or even what some high school students do (i.e. my high school friends). I'm pretty sure most middle school students' mothers didn't tell them colleges look at their middle school grades. However, I did it because researching all of that is what motivated me in from middle school through high school and now that I’m in college, I’m motivated by planning what grad schools I want to go to. I do the same thing where I look at required GPAs and what kind of experience is needed so I’m prepared. I have a list of this information in my phone now and I look at it whenever I'm starting to procrastinate. Beyond that, I plan out the exact career I want and what city I want to work in. I talk to many of the people in the field I want to work in (social work) and I use their experiences to shape what I want to experience in the future.

College is the time and place where we are all trying new things in life. We take random courses that may or may not be required for our major. Some of us don't even have a specific major. We check out clubs we may have never thought of before, and all of this is helping us discover ourselves. Plans are how I figure myself out. When I was a freshman, I had a plan of being a neurosurgeon. Then chemistry happened and that plan was quickly disposed of. Winter quarter of my sophomore year, my plan was to be a psychologist. I messed around way too much in the psychology pre-rec courses I took my freshman year so that made me chuck that idea out the window. Now my plan is to be a social worker and so far I haven't done anything to mess that plan up. I've seen the pattern of trial and error not only in myself, but in my peers, and I realize this is all just a part of college. These plans may not be meant to be permanent and are just to help guide us through college to find our niche, but my plans are always made with the intention of being permanent and long term. That idea of permanence is what makes me feel like I've found the right niche for me. I don't get my hopes up too high, but I get them high enough to be able to believe I can do whatever I need to and actually work my hardest so my plans unfold nicely.

I was once talking about my then 10 year plan with a good friend of mine in my freshman year of college and he told me that those plans hardly ever work out. I always thought mine would, but here I am, almost two years later, with an entirely different plan. I’ve learned that even though these plans may not work out, they're still helpful to keep me motivated and sane. Without one I would feel as if my life is going nowhere. Maybe it was just how I was brought up, always being questioned about my future. Whatever the case, I always need to have a plan. Even if I know my plans won't happen exactly the way I want or not at all, they still help me look forward prepare for the future.