People LOVE to give their opinion.
They will chime in on just about everything. Sometimes, this can be a good thing. You may learn something new and maybe your opinions will change. That being said, advice, suggestions, and opinions are not always necessary or helpful. As someone with chronic illnesses and chronic pain, I have heard just about everything under the sun. Every idea and opinion has been thrown at me, whether it was asked for or not. I don’t mind sharing my conditions with others. Awareness and education are some of the most important tools in the fight against rare and chronic conditions. However, sometimes people don’t know when to keep their opinions and suggestions to themselves.
The things you say can be hurtful, damaging or just plain ignorant. Here are things you should never say to someone with a chronic condition.
1. “You don’t look sick”
Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not there. We can't see gravity, wind, and oxygen but try arguing those aren't real.
2. “Try positive thinking”
I would be such a ray of sunshine if positive thinking could change genetics!
3. "You should try this, it works for everything!"
Tumeric, collagen, orange juice mixed with cream of tartar, standing on my head for ten minutes, every vitamin that's known to man... spoonies have tried it all. Unless you're an expert in the condition or live with yourself, please keep the miracle cures to yourself. Also, stop listening to Dr. Oz.
4. "My cousin's friend's sister's college roommate had that and they cured her!"
5. "I totally get it, I had the flu one time"
Okay, kind of... but now imagine having the flu, all day every day and still having to be a functioning human being.
6. "Oh, I definitely have that too but I like naps and my shoulder hurts sometimes"
Okay maybe but definitely not
7. "Try coffee or tea for energy"
If only it were that easy... I can drink 10 cups of coffee and still fall asleep in my mashed potatoes at dinner. Chronic fatigue and "being tired" are two very different things.
8. "I wish I could sleep all day like you"
Sleeping 16 hours a day is not all it's cracked up to be, trust me.
9. "Exercise and diet will fix it!"
Yoga, Pilates, cardio, weight lifting, running; gluten-free, dairy-free, grain-free, sugar-free, raw foods only, nothing but protein shakes and ice cubes... been there, done that.
10. "Feel better soon!"
11. "At least it’s not…"
I know I'm lucky to not have something like terminal cancer or quadriplegia. I have tremendous sympathy for those people. But please don't use their pain and struggle to minimize and shame mine. It doesn't help anyone.
12. "You don’t need that handicap spot"
This is one of the most controversial topics surrounding the spoonie community. Don't leave notes on cars, yell at people without canes or wheelchairs or take "justice" into your own hands because you think someone isn't disabled.
13. "You were fine yesterday though"
Yes, and that's why I'm not fine today. Chronic illnesses constantly fluctuate, sometimes minute to minute. You can't make a prediction on tomorrow because you'll never know what tomorrow will bring.
14. "You’re too young"
Oh, how I wish this were true...Chronic illness does not discriminate
15. "Can I have some of your pain meds?"
Nope. No. Never.
In conclusion, if these ever come to your mind, please hold your tongue. It'll be best thing for everyone.
