A few days ago, I read a listicle that made me quite angry.
I think it was titled "X number of things girls want guys to know" ...or something like that. Anyways - it angered me because of how much the author generalized both genders, how heteronormative and utterly un-feminist the article was. I wrote what was honestly a really bitchy response to her article, and shortly determined that I had no use for what I wrote. I could never post it.
However, it ended up serving two purposes: it was an outlet for my anger, and it gave me direction for this article.
This past decade has been one of the most progressive in many different ways - we are really starting to see some change being enacted in legislation and in social practice for women's rights. However, that doesn't mean we can let up. And sometimes, it can be hard. Here are some not-too-simple but important things you can and should do every day to be a better feminist.
1. Don't be afraid to call yourself one-regardless of your gender.
One of the most harmful things to the feminist movement overall is the ambivalence with identifying with it in the first place. Don’t be afraid of the people who’ll call you “feminazi” or “bra burner.” Anyone who is willing to compare a woman wanting equal rights and treatment (a movement that also has many beneficial aspects for men) to a literal mass genocide is either deeply ignorant or deeply hateful. And obviously, we don’t burn bras. That shits expensive. And men who are fighting for us, too, call yourself a feminist. Sadly, it’s so much more impactful when a man identifies than a woman. Explain it to your bros. Convince them.
2. Try your hardest to move away from old norms.
It’s 2018 - guys shouldn’t be expected to always pay for dates. Personally, I think whoever asks the other out should pay for the first date, but anything after that really is up to the couple and the practicality. Let’s be real- everyone is broke in college. Don’t expect one person to pay all the time. Give the guy a break. If you want to ask a guy out or text him first, GO FOR IT. If you don’t, that’s cool too. Just don’t expect men to do it solely because they’re men.
3. Equality isn't conditional.
We have to be able to admit and identify that sexism does have some benefits for women. Many girls in college don’t have any trouble getting into frat parties, but often, guys have to pay unless they’re in a frat. Women can often use their charm and their looks to try and get things for free. Oh, and there’s the whole “women and children first” thing. If we want true equality, we must try not to take advantage or perpetuate these benefits and work to break them, too.
4. Women can be chivalrous too.
Open doors for everyone, whether you’re a man or a woman. It's nice.
5. Educate yourself.
This is so easy. Do the research, memorize statistics, and learn how to eloquently debate, not argue. While it shouldn’t be this way, when we get emotional talking about the issues we care about, we automatically become less credible. There are some things that we need to learn how to maneuver to our benefit, even if it seems counterintuitive. This is one of them.
6. Don't sacrifice your comfort or safety in fear for someone's feelings.
Girls, if a guy is annoying you or making you feel unsafe in any way, tell him to stop or leave you alone and tell him firmly. You don’t have to be nice. If someone is pushing your boundaries, they lose the privilege of kindness from you. Don’t be afraid to be terse, block them, or really, just tell them to fuck off. You don’t owe anyone anything.
7. Don't generalize.
It’s such a meme now, which is sad, but don’t assume someone’s gender, sexuality, or orientation - and yes, those are all different things. This also intertwines with educating yourself. Just because you’re straight doesn’t mean you aren’t obligated to understand someone who isn’t, even if you think it’s too complicated or a waste of your time. This is literally the biggest cause of tension between different people: we are afraid of what we don’t understand.
8. Understand intersectionality...
and women of color, understand that white feminist doesn’t mean to harm you. Remember, ignorance often doesn’t come from a hostile place. We’re all fighting for the same goals: if you come across a white woman who’s forgetting the goals that pertain to women of color, remind her or educate her.
9. Don't be afraid to have a social media presence.
If people give you backlash for being too much of a social-media-social-justice-warrior, kindly remind them that social media is one of the strongest forms of information, vocalization, and peaceful protest. And if they still are giving you shit, remind them where the unfollow button is. That being said, make sure the things you post/repost/share are credible.
10. Don't stand for ignorant or harmful jokes!!
It’s just a joke, but really, it isn’t. Stop using the word “pussy” to describe weakness (first of all, because it’s perpetuating that female = weakness, and second, cuz damn, vaginas are strong. I mean, they push fucking fetuses out of them. If you wanna call someone weak, call them a ballsack. Those can’t take shit). And if the joke really is that funny, go ahead and laugh, but then say, “in all seriousness though, not cool,.”
11. Don't support companies, brands, or media that don't support you.
I know that “Blurred Lines” is catchy as hell, but the lyrics promote catcalling, rape culture, and misogyny. And I know “All About That Bass” seems empowering, but body-shaming skinny girls is just as bad as body-shaming thick (or thicc) girls. So stop streaming them. Similarly, google “sexist ads” and see what comes up - take note of the companies with advertisements that objectify women (there are quite literally millions).
12. As a movement striving for equality, we must support other movements with the same goal.
We cannot just advocate for women’s rights - we must also fight racism, homophobia, religious persecution, and all things alike. We must understand and work for the issues within our own and our sibling movements.
13. DEAR GOD, STOP BASHING OTHER WOMEN. FOR ANY REASON. WHATSOEVER.
Stop body shaming - that goes for shaming fat, skinny, or any body type. Stop shitting on girls for wearing too much makeup, and stop shitting on girls for not. Stop making fun of girls with big tits, stop making fun of girls with small tits. In case you forgot, we can't control that. Stop saying that girls who only hang out with guys are snakes, and stop saying that girls who avoid guys are boring. Stop saying that girls who have casual sex are whores, and stop saying that girls who want to wait until marriage are prudes. Stop saying that girls who talk loudly and often are bossy, and stop saying that girls who won’t speak are spineless. We are literally enforcing these double standards upon ourselves. In the wise words of Tina Fey’s Mean Girls character, “you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores.”
14. The feminist movement is a movement made up of humans; so, just like humans, it is flawed.
While real feminism is not man-hating or female-supremacy, there are radical feminists who believe in these things. They are misled. However, don’t dissociate from those problematic feminists. Seek them out, talk to them, and reason with them. Really, anyone can be reached through a calm, well-intended conversation.
15. Hold yourself and each other accountable.
Because we are flawed, help each other be better. When a fellow feminist strays from true practice, help her get back on track. We are all working towards the same goal, and we have to look out for one another.
More installments of daily feminist tips to come as I learn and take my own advice.
