1. "Oh, you're an English Major? You know you're never going to get a job, right?"
This statement really grinds my gears. If you knew anything about the English major, you would understand that a degree in English actually allows you to see from many different cultural, religious, and political perspectives which is a very strong skill to have.
2. "So you must be planning to be an English teacher then, right?"
No. I'm not. That's not all English majors do, you know.
3. "I thought about being an English major too once, but it just isn't realistic."
You're right. Having strong writing, analytical, speaking, and critical thinking skills are such a waste of time. At least I know the difference between you're and your, unlike most people.
4. Do you even get homework?
Uhm, yes. I probably have double, if not triple, the amount of homework many students receive on a daily basis. I spend hours on end reading, analyzing, and writing—don't even want to hear about the twenty math problems you have to complete that will take you maybe an hour to do.
5. "So what do you even do, just read books all the time?"
Yes. I read all the time; however, I'm just not sitting around leisurely reading "Twilight." Try reading Beowulf in old English and then relating it to Marxist theory, then get back to me.
6. "I love to read too, I just can't seem to find the time."
I was just lucky enough to be born with an immense amount of free time, hence why I chose the major of English. There is absolutely nothing else I could be doing. So lucky, right?
7. "I thought about majoring in English, but I want a professional degree."
Oh my God, I never thought about that. Looks like I'm just wasting my time as an English major. Oh right, I'm going to Law School after I graduate, never mind.
8. "My parents would literally kill me if I tried to pursue an English major."
Your parents would kill you for going to college and obtaining a degree in a very well-rounded field of study? Woah, I guess my parents just aren't as hardcore as yours are.
9. "So, like, do you understand poetry?"
No, I like totally don't even get it, care to help me figure it out?
10. "So when you write a book can I be the main character?"
Only if it's a book called, "Dumb Things the Friends of English Majors Ask Them."
11. "Your books must be so cheap."
Uh, no. I actually had to buy seven books for a 100-level English class my freshman year, and that's just one class. There is nothing cheap about being an English major.
12. "So are you like some super-deep, poetry writing, feminist?"
Oh, my God. Just stop talking, please.
13. "You must be a total grammar Nazi, right?"
I'd love to say that this isn't accurate, but I catch myself constantly correcting other peoples' grammar. I'm sorry, I just want you to sound educated.
14. "I hope you're prepared for a life of being broke, but don't worry, you can live in my pool house when I'm a nurse."
I'm not going to be poor. Stop assuming all English Majors are going to be poor. I'm going to Law school and will probably make more money than you. K, bye.
15. "Hey, would mind editing my paper for me?"
Considering I'm an English major and am never going to be employed because my entire degree is a waste of my money—sorry, I can't do that.