Season 1 Episode 9: “The 23rd”
Synopsis: While attending Schmidt’s holiday party – where he’s forced to dress as “Sexy Santa” – Nicki finds himself in the middle of a miscommunication between Jess and her boyfriend Paul.
Best line: I'm not gonna be sexy Santa anymore. It's over. Santa's dead. I killed him.
Season 1 Episode 12: “The Landlord”
Synopsis: Jess sets out to make their building’s landlord like her. However, the landlord mistakes Jess’ kindness as a romantic gesture. Schmidt tries to understand the mixed signals he’s receiving from his boss.
Best line: "Maybe no one’s ever been nice to him. Maybe violence is his only tool to express himself."
Season 1 Episode 22: “Tomatoes”
Synopsis: Cece’s roommate Nadia injures Schmidt in a sexual encounter. Nick attempts to grow tomatoes on the roof of their building as a new beginning. Jess mediates between her boyfriend Russell and his ex-wife.
Best line: "Describe it to them as a battered highway cone."
Season 2 Episode 7: “Menzies”
Synopsis: Nick befriends a mute, eccentric Asian man in the park who gives him a newfound perspective. Jess continues her search for a teaching job. Schmidt becomes romantically involved with his boss.
Best line: "I was sabotaged by my baby box, which means I will never trust anything that comes out of it."
Season 2 Episode 9: “Eggs”
Synopsis: After Jess and Cece worry about their biological clocks, they seek medical advice. Winston helps Nick work to complete his novel, Z is for Zombie.
Best line: "This is the worst thing I’ve ever read in my life. You misspelled the word “rhythm” 38 times."
Season 2 Episode 14: “Pepperwood”
Synopsis: Nick goes undercover as a student of Jess’ creative writing class when he worries one of her students is trying to kill her. Cece accidentally walks in on a naked Winston.
Best line: "He was not a mergentleman."
Season 3 Episode 4: “The Captain”
Synopsis: Schmidt tries to sabotage Nick and Jess’ relationship by pinpointing their weaknesses. Winston arranges a date for his cat Ferguson.
Best line: "I'm like a Hebrew cheetah."
Season 3 Episode 6: “Keaton”
Synopsis: The gang tries to cheer up a solemn Schmidt by writing him letters under the pseudonym of his childhood hero Michael Keaton.
Best line: "I'm having a party tonight and I can't have him lying on the couch, wiping his tears with deli meat."
Season 3 Episode 19: “Fired Up”
Synopsis: Coach starts working at Jess’ school as a volleyball coach. Nick and Winston pose as Schmidt’s attorneys in an effort to aid his deposition.
Best line: "I'm Nick Miller of Cooper, Bishop and Ferguson."
Season 4 Episode 2: “Dice”
Synopsis: Schmidt mentors Jess in the art of dating apps. Nick, Cece and Coach get high before attending a party with Winston and his LAPD friends.
Best line: "If you're saying things like"Dreamy Eyes" to my face, then we have more work to do than the Kings of Leon. Good band, but it feels like they are stuck in one place musically."
Season 4 Episode 5: “Landline”
Synopsis: Nick acts as the loft’s secretary when they get a landline. Jess tries to ignore her feelings for her colleague.
Best line: "This is a home. We’re not selling lubricant."
Season 4 Episode 17: “Spiderhunt”
Synopsis: Schmidt forces the gang to search for a spider he spots in the loft. Coach attempts to ask his crush out via email. Jess mistakenly thinks that Cece has feelings for Nick.
Best line: "Hey, do you think a good subject line is: the inside of you?"
Season 5 Episode 1: “Big Mama P”
Synopsis: Jess and Schmidt plan an engagement party for Schmidt and Cece that – of course – doesn’t go as planned.
Best line: "You keep fireworks in your car? What are you, a little Chinese boy?"
Season 5 Episode 4: “No Girl”
Synopsis: Nick and Schmidt rent out the loft as a bed and breakfast to help fund Schmidt’s impending bachelor party. Winston and Cece plot to get back at his ex.
Best line: "Don’t refer to it as a “hallway.” Yuck."
Season 5 Episode 18: “A Chill Day In”
Synopsis: After Jess and Cece destroy the wedding gift Schmidt’s mom sent, they must attempt to exchange it at the store while high.Best line: "The very fact that socks exist is proof shoes don't work."