Trick or Treating is awesome, but sometimes there're those types of treats that feel more like tricks, they're so gross. Like, who actually wants these when there's Reese's and York patties and Blowpops to be had?
1. Whoppers
Forever the leftovers at the bottom of the mixed candy bowls, only a few people actually enjoy these little balls of pointlessness.
2. Bit-O-Honey
It sticks to the paper and is the color of snot. It also sticks in your teeth afterward with a vengeance.
3. Lemonheads
Because I always wanted to make my mouth bleed with so-called candy the flavor of lemon Pledge dusting spray!
4. Werther's Caramels
Normally these are yummy, but nothing screams "I forgot candy so I just picked these leftovers from last Christmas off my side table for you" like Werther's Caramels.
5. Mary Janes
To quote Tim Hawkins, "They taste like peanut butter and hair."
6. Good and Plenty
More like "Nope and Nopety." Unless you are one of those black souls who likes jelly beans the color of your soul, boxes of Good and Plenty are good for nothing except maybe maracas.
7. Unwrapped Circus Peanuts
Just why would you even subject me to something that is essentially flavored styrofoam that's been touched by all the other Trick or Treaters that have passed through.
8. Wax anything (lips, fangs)
Chewing crayons might take less time and gives the same effect, anyway.
9. Jelly beans
This is NOT EASTER, PEOPLE.
10. Necco Wafers
They smell like CVS and aren't smarties, so, no thanks.
11. Candy Canes
Some of us wait 'til after Thanksgiving for Christmas, you know.
12. Raisins
Raisins are NOT CANDY and INFECT CHOCOLATE with raisin flavor. DON'T BE THAT GUY.
13. Apples
Unless I'm bobbing for apples in a questionable container that's full of 80 percent water and 20 percent other people's saliva, like Lucy in "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown," I'm good.
14. Anything that's not candy
Oh, of course, I dressed up to get a plastic glow-in-the-dark skeleton, a youth group tract, a toothbrush, a McDonald's toy, a lint-magnet of a bouncy ball and those jelly hand things that stick to the wall/collect dust. Thank you!
