I've had a lot of interesting experiences working in retail, especially around the holidays, and here are some signs that you've worked in retail before:
1. The Ignored Greeting
You haven't really been in retail until you've been ignored in some form or fashion. You say hello, welcome, or any other assortment of positive, cheerful greetings only to be brushed off by those customers that are either aloof, too good to respond, and/or totally engrossed in their phones. This leaves you standing there with the choice of awkwardly repeating yourself of pretending you never saw them.
2. The Storyteller
On the flip side of being totally ignored, we have the customer that opens up to you about everything. Not just their day, but their entire week, their dog's name, their plans for the weekend, the specifics behind why they've chosen each item that they're trying to purchase, how long they've been shopping here, and what they just ate. Cue painfully smiling and nodding out of the courtesy of not being able to express your current level of disinterest.
3. The "Do you work here?"
A retail worker's least favorite question. No, I don't, the uniform is clearly just for show. As is my name tag. And my headset.
4. The "Do you have any more in the back?"
As much as I wish the backroom/storage area was as magical and full of whimsy to carry the item you specifically need or the size you want at all times, unfortunately it is not. It is not a mystical portal to Narnia, and so chances are what is out there is all we have in stock.
5. Running Amok
My personal least retail favorite are the families that let their kids run around the store while they remain blissfully unaware (or entirely apathetic) to the fact that they're playing hide-n-seek in the clothing racks and physically fighting each other and not being able to say anything about it.
6. Refused Returns
My apologies, but I can't take that back - there's no receipt, the tags are missing, and it is clearly dirty and has been damaged since it was purchased.
7. The Extreme Couponer
I see you there with your oversized binder containing several months worth of store and manufacturer coupons. Estimated transaction time: 20+ minutes.
8. The Price Haggler
I think almost all of us in retail have had that customer that continues to argue about the price even after the sale, if applicable, has been explained. Your mathematical calculation is not my emergency, and I think my manager would agree.
9. "Just Looking"
Said just about every customer ever when asked, "Can I help you find anything?"
10. The Company Card
Would you like another shopping card you don't need? I'll just have you sign here. And here. And there. Initial here. One more signature here. Congrats, your soul is ours - I mean, enjoy your small, one-time discount!
11. "What do I hit for credit?" and "Do you have the chip?"
Insert resigned sigh here.
12. The 'Quick' Change Artist
By all means, just keep continuing to strip in our public store. Occasionally you get the customers that would prefer to force everyone to watch them try on clothes as opposed to using the fitting rooms, like a normal shopper.
13. The Odd Outliers
From time to time you also get the weird, memorable customers. While on the clock I've been pulled into a long, unnecessary conversation about Star Wars (not a big fan) and a woman who refused to use the nursing station in the mall and demanded to use our fitting rooms for the task. But my most memorable (if not somewhat scarring) was when I asked a customer "Hi, how are you?" at the register only to for them to respond with "Well, the razor blades aren't sharp enough to kill myself so..." and leave it at that. Yeah, that happened.
