The Mom Friend, according to the very reliable Urban Dictionary, is the person who is typically the most responsible and over-protective of your group of friends; if you don't think your clique has one then think again! If you're already reading this article, shaking your head in denial, then most likely - you, my friend, are the Mom Friend. To further drive this point, here are some signs that you should observe from yourself that prove that you are that Momager your friends are grateful for.
1. You are a traveling picnic basket
Friends are hungry? They turn to you, whether for the granola bars stuffed into your bag or car, or for the money you will inevitably loan over to them for food - they turn to you. Didn't pack water? That's okay, you have one or five somewhere on your person or in your vehicle.
2. You know your friends' assignments
Or at least their due dates. They mention it once to you, turn to you for help - you remember it all. You lock down on the topic, the workload the assignment entails, and its due date. After that, you hound your friends to finish their work until its done or until the due date is finally upon you two. And if it's not finished even then? Well, safe to say, it is not just the professor that they should just be worrying about.
3. You care for your friends as if they were your (adopted) kids
You may have a hard time showing it, but you care for your friends to an extreme that the usual ones don't. However, how you choose to show your care can be questionable. You can coddle and suffocate them with your love and support, or, you can literally suffocate them with the leering, judgmental scowl you should have mastered only after your first actual child. You can either be a warm blanket for your child-friends, or a looming, bitter mother.
4. You are always the plus one in any of their relationships
Forget introducing their significant other to their parents, there's still you to overcome. You, who is not legally their guardian and can casually (and forcefully) insert yourself into any date you choose should the need for supervision arise. Parents have boundaries when it comes to the level of interference they can run with their children's relationships. The Mom Friend does not.
5. You tend to be the sober one during most outings
Got a night out? Pumped up to let go and relax? Too bad.Your children are prone to making bad decisions and it is up to you to ward them off and prevent them from happening. One or two glasses is your max, after that - the over-protective switch is up and it is protecting time.
6. You clean up their messes
Or supervise the cleaning process, because you do not associate with public slobs. Your children will be good, clean citizens of the planet. Or at least in your presence they are.
7. You begin to call your friends, your children, in your head
Or you may be past that point and just simply say it. "Steven, son, take up two parking spots one more time and you can kiss your scratch-free car goodbye."
8. Your friends always quote something you say
You are Queen of Inspirational Sayings. All of your friends and children bow down to you whenever wisdom spouts off your lips. Appalled by the recent turn of events? Everyone is falling apart? The sidewalks are on fire? They turn to your latest tweet and marvel in awe at the firmness you display in the calamity that is reality.
9. People turn to you to keep them from making bad choice
As in, "Grace, without you, I would have jumped on that text and have gotten back together with him again. Thanks for deleting his phone number and taking my phone away before I did." Or if they don't turn to you, they at least immediately run to you for solutions. "Grace, I did it again..."
10. "Be safe," and "Make smart choices," are stuff you always say
These are the sayings you always say after telling your friends to let loose and have fun. You can't always be there with them, and so you hope your cautionary words are enough to at least steer them away from bad choices before they turn into regrets.
11. The parents always let their children go anywhere as long as you are there
Like one mother to another, or simply just one parent to another, they know who is the reliable one. They know who goes to bed at a reasonable time and gets their work done before the due date. They know a parent when they see one, and honey, that is you. Steven and Grace's parents are against them going to the concert, but if you're going to be there as both the driver and supervisor, then they are free to go.
12. You are the reality check your friends don't ask for
After countless parties, late arrivals, and overdue homework submissions - it is not the angry email that slaps them back to responsibility, but you. Ever responsible you, whose alter ego is shaking their head in disappointment as you drag them out of whatever dark pit they've fallen into for a healthy dosage of, "Get your stuff together or else," pep talk and scolding.
13. Your friend group is lacking a Mom Friend
Your matronly actions may not as be as terminal and obvious as the ones above, but if you are looking around, asking everyone who the Mom Friend is - chances are, it's you. The symptoms are there, like the interminable gnawing worry you get for your friends, but they are probably just only beginning to show. So buckle up, suck it up, and get out there and take your role with an iron-clad fist. Show them that the Mom Friend is you, and you, honey, are not someone to be trifled with.