Since the release of "13 Reasons Why" on Netflix, the internet has gone completely nuts. Personally, I read the book when I was younger, so of course I was excited when the show came out. And to my expectations, it was very similar to how I imagined the book to be represented. Sadly, people took offense to this show and all it stands for.
No two people view the world in the same way. I could read a poem and interpret the most mood lifting story, while another classmate could read it as upsetting. I did not see this show as making me want to go back and go through with suicide. I viewed this show as a reality for some people. We do not get to hear Hannah after she kills herself, only before. We do not get to hear her feelings after she passes. This show does not glorify suicide to me. I see this show as a harsh truth. Each case is different than the next, but at the end of the day, some people do not get the guidance they need to find happiness. As a girl who was suicidal herself and had attempted before, here's MY story.
Transitioning into college was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Most people leave their main friend groups and go off knowing they'll be there when they come home for breaks, but not me. I never had that "core" friend group that I knew would always be there. Yes, I had my very best friends, but even still, I felt completely alone. I was not myself freshman year. I was moody, selfish, and very controlling. Everything needed to go my way all of the time.
Rolling into sophomore year, I started the year off with a boyfriend. Being together all summer, he fell in love with the wrong me. I was not myself and never really knew how to find my way back. That is until he caught me trying to hurt myself, and really, hurt myself. (Which I still regret to this day, and I am sorry) The whole next day, sitting in the psych ward on campus, I have never felt more alone in my life. But in that moment, when I really did want it all to end, I realized, I didn't want my life to end. I wanted the PAIN to end. These are two completely different things. So there are 13 reasons why not to go through with suicide I can easily give anyone thinking of suicide right now:
1. Life is not pain.
Life and pain are two different things. Life is beautiful. Pain is temporary.
2. Without the bitter, the sweet wouldn't be as sweet.
Not saying that all people go through the same levels of stress, bullying, or hard times, but these bad times make even the shortest of good times even better.
3. You are not the only person who has ever felt this way.
There have been plenty of singers, actresses, sports icons, etc. who have spoken up about their depression. Heck, the person next to you could be depressed too and you wouldn't even know it. But know this, you aren't the only one going through this. You have people who know how you are feeling, find them, and confide in them.
4. People will always come and go in your life.
These people who are not helping your internal struggle, these people will not be there in 5 years. Maybe even 2 years. People will come and go in life, and the ones who have been there through it all, they are the ones to stick by and go to for advice.
5. You can't fight pain with pain.
Just like you can't fight fire with more fire. If you fight pain with more pain, you just create pain for everyone. There will be people who would never want to see you hurt, don't hurt them.
6. Happiness is not a destination.
No one is always happy. Happiness is something that you need to teach yourself. It will take time to learn, but so did everything else. And once someone finds happiness, there will still be hard times throughout that happiness. One rainy day shouldn't ruin your sunny week.
7. You make people happy, even if you do not think you do, you DO.
Even if they don't tell you to your face, you make someone happy. Don't take their happiness away, share it.
8. Rising above feels a whole lot better than sinking.
Feeling like everyone is out to get you, feeling like no one cares if you are here or not, those people are so incredibly wrong. When you rise above someone, showing them how much you are worth, it is the best damn feeling in the world.
9. People change.
The kid who never has one nice thing to say about you has a chance of changing. I have had the privilege to watch the people who have bullied me in the past grow into pretty mature adults, regretting what they had done. People won't always be mean, but sometimes they will, it's up to you to stick around and see.
10. You have the chance to prove people wrong.
Those bullies you still think won't ever become nice? Prove them wrong. No one has the right to tell you how to live your life. So live it. LIVE.
11. There are outlets.
You have the resources (therapists, doctors, family) out there to figure out why you feel the way you feel. They are there for a reason, to help you. These outlets help to find the real you, the hopeful you, go to them.
12. Write. Write. Write.
Write how you are feeling. Write how you are feeling every single chance you get. Then write why. Will this matter 2 years down the road? 5? No. So why let it affect the rest of your life.
13. I hate to be a cliche but yes, it does get better.
No, I did not come out of my first session of medication and first therapist visit feeling completely better. It took time, and a lot of it. Depression is something that may never fully be "healed", I am still healing. But man, does life get better.
If you or anyone you know have thoughts of hurting themselves or someone else, please call 1-800-273-8255.
