The language boundary between my dog and I has not gotten in the way of our relationship so far, however, if we had the ability to improve our communication, boy, would we be the generation's dynamic duo. Sometimes my dog and I, we just stare at each other. We stare at each other in complete silence. I'm sure we're both wondering what the other is thinking. We both wonder if the other one know's that we're thinking about what the other is thinking. Unless somebody magically formulates a way for humans to translate doggy barks, doggy whines, doggy cries and doggy silence into English, we will all just continue to wonder.
If my dog could speak, I would ask them just a couple of questions.
1. What do you do when I'm not home?
Do you read a book? Do you throw a wild party? Do you talk to yourself? C'mon, spill it.
2. What is it about my socks that you find most compelling to hide around the house?
Better question, how do you even get a hold of my socks?
3. If you could live off one food for the rest of your life, what would you have me prepare for you?
We all know it's not that dry dog food, that's for sure.
4. Why do you always look away from the camera when I try to take a selfie with you?
Don't you understand how adorable you are? I just want to share your cuteness with the world and looking away from the camera makes it extra difficult.
5. Why are squirrels so damn distracting to you?
I don't understand. I can't have a serious conversation with you because you're too focused on the squirrels running around behind me.
6. What language do you dream in?
Do you hear words I tell you throughout the day in your dream or do you dream in barks?
7. Where do you think I go when I leave the house?
Do you think I just leave you for another dog? Do you ever feel like I'm never coming back home?
8. If I were a dog, what type of dog would I be?
A Poodle? A Pitbull? How about a Golden Retriever?
9. What's your deepest secret?
C'mon, is it that you have a crush on the dog next door? Anybody could have called that one.
10. What can I do that you wish you could do?
Drive a car? Work a laptop? Reach the magical door that holds all the yummy snacks?
11. Why are you scared of the vet's office?
If the vet hurts you, I'll fight him I promise.
12. Why is sticking your head out my car window so thrilling?
Does it not hurt your face? How about all the noise. Please explain.
13. Do you understand how much I love you?
Everything I do is for you. You are my favorite cuddle buddy in the entire universe and you deserve all the love and attention in the entire world.
