Ah, the gym. A place that smells of sweat, tears, some dreams, and some broken spirits as well. As soon as you enter this heaven to some and hell to others, you are greeted with the sounds of grunting juiceheads and the sight of people kind of just standing around so they can say they were there. It is the place we have a strong love/hate relationship with. Once you start to go to the gym, you see a lot of different things that make you question everything. And as we witness these crimes against humanity we have a lot of different thoughts running through our minds about those people and ourselves.
1. "Why are you naked?"
There is nothing like when you first walk into the locker room, not really wanting to be there in the first place, and then seeing a very confident older person's bare ass greeting you upon your arrival. Shout out to you for having the confidence to strut your stuff, but please use a changing stall, or at least, a towel for God's sake.
2. "Why are you walking on the treadmill at rush hour?"
There is nothing more irritating than when you are at the gym at the busiest time of day and you see a poor shmuck walking on the treadmill while there is a line of impatient runners awaiting their turn while that person walks at a leisurely pace.
3. "Keep your eyes on your own damn treadmill, please. Thanks."
What are you trying to accomplish by running faster than me? Congrats you are the superior athletic specimen, is that what you want to hear? I hope you enjoy beating me on this race to literally nowhere, considering we are running in place.
4. "Why is that dad wearing spandex?"
Again, shout out for the confidence but even if you are a DILF, this look is unwelcome in my eyes.
5. "What can I eat after this?"
I don't know if it's just me, but dreaming about my future meal is the only thing that motivates me to get through my workout.
6. "Do I look like I know what I am doing?"
It is key to try your best to not completely embarrass yourself. This includes dropping weights on the floor, tripping and falling off of the treadmill, and losing your grip and falling on your ass while trying to do a chin up. The last thing I want anyone to think is that I am as weak as I am.
7. "I am totally judging that person taking a gym selfie."
Why. Just why. No one looks good when they're sweating. So if you look good enough for a gym selfie, you aren't working hard enough.
8. "Please stop hitting on me."
Believe it or not, I'm actually here to workout, thanks. You can go shave your back now.
9. "Thank you for giving me advice on my workout you random stranger."
Oh, I should be doing that instead? You should be minding your own business instead. Have a nice day.
10. "I really think I am dying."
Everything is burning. Please just leave me be and let me die in peace.
11. "I'm going to look so good during swimsuit weather."
I better look good, I already bought the bathing suit.
12. "Wow. I can't believe I survived."
No matter what you may go through during your time there, it is always worth it in the end. The gym is a major key to success even though DJ Khaled may not agree with me.
