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12 Steps to Make Any Girl Fall in Love with You

Here are 12 foolproof ways to make any girl fall in love with you. Go get 'em.

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12 Steps to Make Any Girl Fall in Love with You
www.zimbio.com

Listen up, boys. I know that girls are hard to understand. One minute they're happy, the next they're sad, then they're mad. Girls are nuts. Girls are definitely the crazy ones in this world and there is absolutely no way that boys are ever at fault for any of the world's problems. It's those crazy, crazy girls. So, how do you figure girls out? Luckily, you've come to the right place. Since we all know that there is nothing more important in life than to be in a romantic relationship, here is a foolproof guide to making girls fall in love with you (because no matter her initial impression of you, there's always a way to manipulate her feelings so she finds you attractive - totally a great and moral idea). Let's get started:


1. Chew with your mouth open.

All girls want a rugged man. The best way to show her that you're rugged and super manly is to act as barbaric as you can. Chew with your mouth open whenever possible. Make sure you're hunched over your plate like a caveman. If a thought pops into your head mid-bite, it's always a great idea to blurt it out immediately, even if your mouth is full. Make sure you don't take it too far, however. Put your napkin in your lap before you start eating, that way she knows you were raised right.


2. Take lots of selfies and upload them to all of your social media profiles.

The most important thing to a girl is how attractive you are. Girls definitely don't care about your intellectual abilities, your moral compass, or how well you treat your mother. Make sure she knows that you're hot. Take lots of selfies. You get bonus points if the selfie is taken in the bathroom mirror, extra bonus points if you can see the toilet in the background and extra extra bonus points if you're shirtless. Whenever a girl opens up her Instagram app, she's totally hoping to see a reflection of your six-pack in your dirty mirror. Are you at the gym? Post a selfie. Are you on your way to work? Post a selfie. Are you doing your homework? No? Post a selfie anyways. If you can show that you're invested in keeping up with your social media profiles, you can make girls think that you'll be just as invested in the relationship. Girls will totally buy it.


3. Make sure your profile picture is of you and your car.

If the most important thing to girls is a potential mate's physical appearance, the second most important thing is how much money you have. Show them that you are part of the highest social caste by making sure the first picture of you that they see is of your car. Whether it's a Porsche or a Honda Civic, your car is the most basic way to show a girl that you can provide for her. That's very important, considering there's absolutely no way that girls can provide for themselves. That's why they need husbands.


4. Get a tattoo of your pet.

Although being manly is imperative to obtaining a girlfriend, it's also important to show girls that you have a soft side. Get a tattoo of your dog to show that you have a kind, cuddly side. Nothing says, "I'm a sensitive man who thinks before he acts and isn't afraid of commitment," like needles and labradoodles. Don't have a dog? Cats, hamsters or fish work, too. You aren't responsible enough to keep an animal alive for more than three weeks? Just get a sappy poem in a cursive script that no one will actually be able to read. Bonus points: take a selfie in the bathroom mirror to showcase your new tattoo. Make sure you take your selfie as soon as you get the tattoo so that it's still all red and swollen. Manly.


5. Voice your opinion about how much you love Donald Trump.

Make sure your potential lady realizes that you would make a great husband by letting her know that your political and moral values align with those of the great Donald Trump. He has great hair, he always speaks his mind, and he's rich. What else could a woman want? Girls don't follow politics and they don't read anything besides the latest issue of Cosmopolitan, so it really doesn't matter what he believes.


6. Feature unattainably beautiful celebrities in all of your #WomanCrushWednesday posts.

Girls love competition because all girls are naturally catty and crazy. Show them that you're only interested in perfect girls. Show them that you find the ridiculous body expectations perpetuated by the media to be perfectly valid. Remember, sex sells. Since there's no doubt that your romantic interest feels the same way about you, she'll feel threatened and she'll work even harder to win you over.


7. Always compliment her physical appearance.

The only thing that girls care about is what's on the outside. Girls work hard every morning to make sure they look presentable in order to impress all of their potential suitors. Let her know that you notice and appreciate all her hard work. Tell her that she's beautiful. Tell her that you love her outfit choice. Tell her that her butt looks great in those jeans. Always stare at her body. Don't bother making eye contact. Girls only wear revealing clothes so that boys will stare at them. Take advantage of it. Don't bother complimenting her intellect, her contagious laugh or her witty humor. Go straight for the gold.


8. Decorate your kitchen with all your bottles of whey protein.

Some college-aged boys decorate their kitchen with all their empty bottles of alcohol, so chic. Let her know you care about your body and acknowledge the fact that there are much more important things than binge-drinking. How responsible of you. Nothing says, "I'm a manly man who takes care of his body," like large vats of whey protein and other manly dietary supplements. Girls will be knocking down your door.


9. Lie to her face.

Girls love mysterious bad-boys. Show her that you're mysterious by always keeping her guessing. She'll love the thrill of always having to stay on her toes and never knowing what's actually going on with you. It's 2016, dude, lies make the world go 'round.


10. Assert your dominance.

Girls are only worried about making sure they find a husband. They live their entire lives around the search for love. It's very important to make sure that you are your mate's number one priority. So, if she has interests, hobbies or people that are prioritized above you, that's bad. Crush them. Is she more passionate about playing a sport or getting good grades than she is about keeping you happy? Tell her she needs to give that up. Does she put her friends first? Stop letting her leave the house. What's that? She cares about her dog too much? Run it over with your Porsche/Honda Civic. You should be the one in charge.


11. Stand up to her father.

We've already established that asserting your dominance is key. The ultimate way to do so is by showing her dad who's boss. When you finally meet her parents for the first time, high five her dad instead of shaking his hand. Address him as "bro" to make sure he knows that you two are on the same level. Let him know that she belongs to you now.


12. Help her figure out what she wants.

Girls have no idea what they want. You know what's best because you are a man and therefore much more mentally stable than she is. Don't be afraid to be bossy. She'll appreciate it in the long run. Girls are known to be indecisive, so tell her what she should be doing with her life, who she should be hanging out with and how often she should leave the house. She'll be happy that she never has to make another decision on her own. You are a blessing.


So, it looks like you have your work cut out for you. If you follow all these steps, your dream girl will absolutely fall in love with you. You'll be able to show her that you are a great suitor and that she can't go one more day without you. Please keep me updated with your progress, I'd love to hear all of your success stories. Best of luck, my friends.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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