As Spring Break winds down, it's time to get back into our normal school routine: going out to Midtown.
Not every inhabitant of this fragile late-night ecosystem is the same, and there is only one true way to define the types of people you'll go out with: Spongebob references.
Here are eleven citizens of Bikini Bottom who you'll encounter when going out with your friends.
1. The Frat Star
Larry the Lobster
With his chiseled body and natural good looks, it's easy to see why every girl flocks to him when he enters the room. Fresh off of a killer triceps workout at Goo Lagoon and a pregame at his fraternity house, he's ready to assume his position as the self-proclaimed coolest guy at Midtown.
2. The Snobby Girl
Pearl
She walks into the bar expecting special treatment because she's a princess and she knows it. She prides herself on getting free drinks at will from desperate guys, and throws a fit whenever she doesn't get what she wants. She used to go to Fats all the time, until she and her friends decided that Swamp was way more "Coral."
3. The Lightweight
Spongebob Squarepants
Two shots into the night and the Lightweight is already hammered. Or so they think they are. Nobody is really quite sure how drunk the Lightweight is, but everyone within a 200 foot radius can tell that the Lightweight cannot handle their "ice cream." Once they start singing the Goofy Goober theme song in the middle of Cantina, the night takes a significant turn for the worse.
4. The One Who Refuses to Go Out
Patrick Star
Every time you and your friends decide to go out, the Patrick has a different excuse for taking the night off. "I have an assignment due next Tuesday," or, "I have to study for my midterm in 3 weeks!" Their night will be spent under a rock, watching hours of Netflix with a side of chill.
5. "I Don't Want to Pay Cover" Guy
Mr. Krabs
All of your friends are willing to pay cover, except this guy. "Dude, I really don't think this is gonna be worth five dollars." This would be a fair point on some nights, except this guy drops that line every time. The worst part is that this guy definitely has enough money to go out. However, If he doesn't have that free entry text to Saga, then he's not coming with you.
6. The Bouncer
Reg (The Salty Spitoon)
"Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. How good is your ID?" This guy is the most powerful guy at any given bar. Upperclassmen get in with no trouble, but younger entrants struggle to make it past him. He'll bend your fake Chinese license, nearly snap it in half, laugh maniacally, and then take it from you. The only way to get you ID back at this point is to pay an additional cover fee, or to rip off his tattoo and turn it upside-down. "Wow."
7. The Loud Girl
The Hooplah Fish
Also referred to as a "Woo Girl" in How I Met Your Mother, this girl needs to make her presence felt wherever she goes. She loudly sings off-key renditions of the song playing at the bar and takes pictures with everyone that she sees. She updates her Snapchat story every four minutes in an effort to show all of her friends how awesome her life is. In reality, we all just want to hit her with a brick.
8. The Wingmen
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy
The chemistry between these two is impeccable. They only go out together, and make the perfect tag team when talking to girls. You'll struggle to find a night when one of them doesn't go home with a girl thanks to their teamwork. They turn their belts from "Mini" to "Wumbo" on a regular basis, if you know what I mean.
9. "This Place Sucks" Guy
Squidward Tentacles
Thirty seconds after you enter the bar, this guy is already clamoring to leave. "There's too many people here, this is dumb," or, "There's nobody here, this is dumb." Nobody has time for his negativity, and this guy's opinion quickly gets ignored by the rest of your friends, who are too busy having a great time.
10. The Drunk Snack
Krabby Patty
Everyone has their favorite drunk snack to munch on before heading home for the night. Nobody knows the secret ingredient that makes these snacks so delicious, just like a Krabby Patty. The secret formula? It's most likely the alcohol.
11. The Creepy Old Guy
Old Man Jenkins
