These beloved SNL character are hilarious, but no one actually acts like that right? Right? They don't... until they get to college. If figuring out what to do with your life has you feeling more stressed out than Surprise Sue, read on to find out the twelve SNL characters you become at Vassar.
1. When you're making plans with your squad- Stefon
Every option needs to be majorly talked up in order for your group to get off the couch. "Vassar's hottest club is "The Mug." It's got everything: womp womps, strobe lights, someone's V-card".
2. When pranking your roommate- Gilly
One late night spent turning all of their posters upside-down and suddenly you're a precocious elementary-schooler again. Chances are your "sorry" will be accompanied by a mischievous smile and a victory dance.
3. When you're judging people with your friends- The "Bronx Beat" Ladies
Sometimes all you need is some snarky gossiping with your best friend. The guy who always cuts you in the post office line, that girl who's now seeing your former hookup, no one is immune.
4. During finals week (or hell week)- Debbie Downer
Whether it's cramming equations or your lines you will most definitely be the most negative person in the room for the next seven days. If anyone so much as dares to dream of a future where there's time to binge watch an entire season of Grey's Anatomy you shut them down faster than the speed of Train A approaching Train B.
5. After too much wine at the holiday party- Drunk Uncle
College is stressful. Multiply that by the number of relatives who have just asked you what you're doing with your life and you get a drunken rant about the illogicality of a numerical grading system. "So I'm not a 'straight A student', okay? So I'm not 'Margaret Cume Laude', okay?"
6. When your professor is being completely unfair- "Really!?!" with Tina and Amy.
This seven page paper is due tomorrow? Really? You were ten minutes late to your own make-up session. You still haven't graded that essay from last month. Really? Really.
7. When you low-key haven't done the reading- Sarah Palin
The professor asks you point-blank about the chapter on censorship in the Soviet Union and the best you can come up with is a jab at the 'lame-stream media' and the fact that you could see Russia from your host-family's house. Nailed it.
8. When you're roped into tabling for an org in the College Center- Cup O Soup
The only way you're going to get anyone's attention is by embarrassing yourself, so you might as well earn some bonus points for enthusiasm. Bring it on down to homeless-ville!
9. When you're finally home on break- Back Home Ballers
You can finally take a hot bubble bath and not have to pay to do your laundry. Not to mention since they don't have to deal with you most of the year your parents will let you get away with a lot. You are living the life.
10. When you accidentally disclose too much on a first date- Red Flag
Did you just mention you're obsessed with Jane the Virgin AND showed him your Neko Atsume cats? This is going to be a long night. At least Tubs still understands you.
11. When you're bored out of your mind at work- Target Lady
It's been so long since you've had something to do that even the most menial of tasks has you jumping out of your seat! Need to find a book? Need copies? I can do that!
12. When trying to one-up your frienemy- Penelope
You interned at Goldman Sachs? Well I actually interned at Platinum Sachs so ummm....
