I have been a server for four years and worked in three different restaurants. I love interacting with people, the fast pace, my coworkers and most of all the money. In fact, I would say out of all the jobs I've had, serving has been the one that has taught me the most about life. However, I am well aware of the fact that if I stay working in the restaurant industry, as a server, I will more than likely jump off a bridge or resort to hard drugs to free myself from the everyday horrors of consoling customers who prefer Pepsi products over Coke. So without further ado, here are 12 signs you’ve been serving too long.
1. Washing your uniform is no longer a priority
You know your time is running out when you put on your uniform that smells like cat urine, despite not living with a cat. Furthermore, you are fine talking to customers with stains all over your shirt that spent the night crumpled up in a ball on the floor.
2. You stop introducing yourself to your tables
Once upon a time I used to greet my guests how all restaurants would like their guests to be greeted, “Hi my name is Lucas and I will be taking care of you guys today/night.” Although this greeting is very friendly and welcoming, it is also completely unnecessary. Fred and Wilma didn’t come to see me and more importantly don’t care what my name is. They just want their steak rare and their margarita strong.
3. When guests call you by name
I mentioned 10 seconds ago I don’t tell guests my name, so when they have the audacity to read my nametag and feel comfortable enough to be on a first name basis with me I want to channel my inner housewife of Atlanta, wave my finger and say, “You don't know me like dat”.
4. The smallest things irk you
For me, it's putting on my name-tag. I don't know what it is about my name tags, but having to wear one makes me feel like a 12-year-old at summer camp. I often compare my experiences as a server to a street walker (mom want's me to clean up my language) in that you have to know how to hustle until you get your tip. Therefore, I think restaurants should allow their servers to go by names like Sapphire or Mr. Big. If that was the case I would wear my name tag proudly.
5. You are protective of your guest's food
There is nothing I hate more than when another server runs my food without being asked, or for that matter asking me. I am of the belief that when a guest sees someone else doing my job they will assume I am off doing something unproductive and therefore feel justified for leaving a five dollar tip on a fifty dollar tab. Guests should get their food quick and hot, I agree, but if I don't ask, certainly don't touch.
6. You eat leftover scraps
You first started by just eating finger foods such as leftover fries, chips, broccoli, etc. but then your inner caveman kicks in and pretty soon you are eating pieces of steak that have been bitten into. You lie, telling yourself the guests used a knife but you know that’s not at all the case, especially since you just finished their burger. You aren’t a complete savage though, you make sure the guest who’s scraps you are now eating has white teeth or are at the very least female.
7. Smuggling improperly made food to the break room
When something either gets sent back into the kitchen or by the off chance that the cooks mess up, your sixth sense kicks in. Before a manager gets to it, you grab it, run to the break room and scarf it down. You look like the fat kid who turns into a bubble and floats away in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory but you don’t care because free food is the best food and you are poor, working in a restaurant.
8. You're convinced the hosts are trying to ruin your life
The poor hosts have such a bad gig because they have to deal with cranky people who prefer booths when only tables are available in addition to servers who treat them like underclassman in high school. God forbid they double seat you because they had no other option and you are taking your fifteenth unapproved break of the day.
9. Sharing tables
At first, sharing tables is kind of fun, after all teamwork is dream work. You get out your notepad, make a game plan, pay close attention to seat numbers and work together gathering the drinks. After a while, though, you realize sharing a table is actually so much harder than just doing it by yourself. Furthermore, the manager always decides who you share with and it really blows when they pair you with the kid who would be your first victim in a game of dodgeball.
10. Cutting system
You are pissed if you are not the first cut, but you are also pissed you didn’t make any money. In contrast, if you aren’t the first cut you are pissed the manager doesn’t cut down sooner, but then you’re pissed because you are spending your night bringing waters to people who pretend they don't know 20% is the appropriate amount to tip off their bill. Either way, you're pissed.
11. New people
It is actually kind of sad when new people have questions and you actually know how to answer them. In any other kind of job that might be flattering but I’m not sure I want to know the secret sides on a kids menu or for that matter where the extra coffee filters are in dry storage. They like you though because you know where the blind spots are for being on your phone.
12. You become faker than Hilary Clinton at the DNC
You nod, smile and if you're really good let out a subtle laugh anytime your customer speaks. You aren't over the top, though, just enough to get the 20%. You do all of those same things when that customer tells you that you remind them of their son who is missing a majority of his teeth.
There you have it, the 12 signs you've been serving for too long. Many of you are probably wondering why go back and it's really quite simple; because it rocks. It might not be essential to know the five different cheeses in a five cheese marinara or what a chile relleno is, but human interaction, knowing how to communicate with people and making sure your customers of all different diversities and backgrounds are totally satisfied is. Everyone should work in some form of customer service at least once in their life so that they will understand that the person who forgot to put a lemon in their water is still a human trying to pay their bills, just like everyone else.
