Once in a while at the Academy, Midshipmen prepare for the widely sought and beloved Alpha Inspection. From the way each sheet is folded, to searching for unstoppable dust among the blinds, preparation for and execution of Alpha inspections fills every Mid with dread. Just in time for this semester's Alpha inspection, here are some key moments you've probably had (or will have) when preparing for fifteen minutes of terror, apprehension and silent looks you exchange with your roommate:
1. Realizing you have been living under thousands of layer of dust.
No matter how often you dust, THE DUST NEVER LEAVES. All those crevices behind your printer or textbooks have been filled with particles that rise like zombies from the dead.
2. Taking a step back and seeing that your desk is actually a mess.
We all know its organized in some twisted, personal way. But that pile of papers that magically appeared from 2 semesters ago are actually very out of place.
3. Forgetting the last time you changed your sheets.
Yes, we do all make our beds... on top of our beds. We never climb into our sheets after Plebe Summer. Thinking about the last time you changed them, however, can be a little terrifying.
4. Dusting behind your bed (and being able to write a memoir about your experiences at the Academy in all the dust).
Dust stays behind just as much as the tune they woke you up to during Plebe Summer and the instant anxiety you get from hearing it. For mine, check out Electric Pow Wow Drum by A Tribe Called Red.
5. Constant sneezing.
Something about the combination of Pledge, Windex and dust does not mix well with your respiratory system.
6. Stripping your skin off when you strip your floors.
Having the intention of stripping your floors eventually leads to getting on your hands and knees, and eventually all the skin you had starts to crumble away.
7. Shoving everything into the back of your con locker.
It will definitely (not) become a vacuum that will hide everything you need it to. But to the naked eye, a pile of boxes at the front hides a mess behind.
8. Finding that cheerio you dropped under your desk 3 weeks ago.
At first, feeling sort of tempted to eat it and then remembering all the awful things that could happen to your body and realizing that is probably not a good idea.
9. Being thankful for not having carpets in your room.
Nothing would be a bigger nightmare than cleaning a carpet. I cannot begin to contemplate how awful that would be.
10. Wondering what your friends in the civilian world are doing.
I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure my friends aren't cleaning every single spot of their rooms for inspection.
11. Panic! In the Bathroom
Your freaking out when someone is inspecting your bathroom could rival the band (Panic! At The Disco) for most intensity.
12. The look you exchange with your roommates when you're being inspected.
Few moments have been as intense as those few glares and silent communication.
At the end of the day, every Alpha leads to the same conclusion: you can now go back to living life without worrying about the mess that's building around you. That is, until a few days before the next Alpha, and you'll be doing it all over again.
