I've had my fair share of long distance relationships and after my last one, I swore, never again.
But that didn't last long.
Due to new job opportunities on one end and school obligations on the other, I will once again be a part of a long distance relationship. Luckily, however, I know what to expect. So, I've decided to consolidate all my experience and share some advice in the hopes to help someone whose other half lives far away, like mine does.
1. Communicate
We've all heard that communication is key, and it's the truth. Communicating in a long distance relationship, though, can be hard. Calling each other on the phone every night almost becomes necessary, but also tedious.
Creativity is key to keeping things fresh. Write letters to each other, Skype, send care packages, mail a co-authored journal back and forth. Talk about the little things, like how your day was, what the next day’s schedule will look like. Talk about family and friends, school assignments, work.
Anything is better than nothing at all.
2. But Don't Overdo It
While communication is important, it’s easy to get carried away. Avoid setting “rules” about when your partner is supposed to call or text. Life happens, things come up, humans are forgetful creatures.
If your partner doesn’t stick to those impractical time scheduled conversations, you may become more upset than is necessary. That kind of attitude also encourages possessive and controlling behavior, which can lead to an unhealthy and even toxic relationship.
3. Set End Goals
Think hard about where the relationship is going. Do you and your partner want the same things? Will one of you move to the other? Who? When?
These are important questions to consider when entering and enduring a long distance relationship. At the very least, if you both want a similar outcome, you can feel secure in the idea of one day closing the distance between your partner and you.
4. Don't Keep Score
Keeping score can become dangerous. It's not about who visits more, who texts who first, or who hangs up the phone last. Don't play power games. It's not about who cares, misses, or loves each other more, and if you start thinking that way, you’ll become easily disappointed and unhappy.
Remember, you're in this together.
5. Expectations
Creating “rules” isn’t good, but setting up expectations are. Some things are more common sense, such as don’t lie to each other, keep each other’s secrets, and don’t try to change each other. This can be something your partner and you decide throughout your relationship, but make sure your expectations don’t become controlling or possessive.
6. Avoid "High-Risk" Situations
These can include hanging out with an ex alone, going to parties by yourself, or drinking with strangers. Not only are those dangerous in and of themselves, but they can be harmful to your relationship. Know what your partner is and isn’t comfortable with and accommodate. Either don't do it, or tell your partner about it so you can reassure them.
7. Do Things Together
Often overlooked, this is one of the easiest things to do in a long distance relationship. Pick things you can both do at the same time while simultaneously being miles apart. For example, read the same book, watch a movie while on the phone, play video games together. These are just a few of many different activities you can share with each other.
8. Be Open
This may seem self-explanatory, but even in a normal, non-long-distance relationship, it can be hard. Being open about how you feel is particularly important when you and your partner live far away from each other. Especially when it's so easy to go a day without talking, and especially when tone can be hard to detect if you aren't verbally communicating.
Talk about your feelings. Talk about your insecurities, jealousies, what makes you upset, what you're uncomfortable with. Let them in. Let them help support you. Just because they aren't physically there, doesn't mean you're alone.
9. Embrace it
Easier said than done, I know. But try to see the distance as a way to grow independently from each other, while also continuing to work on your relationship. Do your own things, have your own adventures, make your own friends. Spend more time with your family, enrich your current friendships. Take the opportunity to try new things, and learn about yourself as an individual.
That independence will make your relationship stronger. And remember, stay positive!
10. It Sucks and It's Okay to Think So
Having a long distance relationship is hard. The person you want around most is the one you hardly get to see. You’re constantly missing them. It is very easy to feel lonely and sad about your circumstance, but it’s okay to feel that way.
Recognizing a tough situation is a part of life, and it helps you think of ways to alleviate the strain or pressure.
11. Visit Each Other, Duh
This goes without saying, but depending on how far away you live from each other, it can be difficult. Plane tickets can be expensive, and driving gets monotonous, so be sure to stay creative in your communication between your visits.
Every relationship has its hardships, especially a long distance one. If your partner and you are in it for the right reasons, however, it's all worth it in the end, and that's what you always need to remember.
