For those who have always hated the condescending pricks who actually volunteered to finish the equation on the board in high school, this is for you.
1. You channel your inner grandma-self when pulling out your phone to use it as a tip calculator.
Tipping is the worst. I mean, you want to leave money for your server, and they totally deserve it, but for the love of God, HOW MUCH IS 20 PERCENT?!
2. So, when the receipt includes the gratuity at the bottom, you feel it’s Christmas.
There is singing and dancing to be had when the tip is included, and because of this new-found relief, you often tip a little more than the recommended amount, which, of course, makes you feel BOSS.
3. Which is similar to how you feel when Forever 21 lists the price beside the discount.
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Those ugly red, yellow, and green discount signs are your absolute best friend when shopping. Oh, it’s 20 percent off, sooo I only have to pay, like, 10 dollars, another top it is!
4. And you could only hope that this kind of luck came with recipes.
Why can’t all recipes come with pre-measured ingredients? I mean what even is two-thirds times two?
5. The calculator is pretty much your soulmate.
Whenever you’re out and about and NEED to know how many sandwiches you’ll need for tonight’s soirée, Texas Instruments has got you covered.
6. Especially when you’re figuring out the lowest payment you can make on your credit card without being penalized...
You have a systematic way of doing bills and also known as the minimum payment equation.
7. Except when it’s clearly unacceptable to use a calculator.
At a restaurant: “So how many are in your party?”
You: *closes eyes to try and remember* “Uhm, I don’t know four? Eight? Can I just get a table please?”
8. And when you’re trying to impress your future boss.
You: *Freaking out on the inside while trying not to profusely sweat through your blazer* "Oh, the W9, of course...I'm familiar."
9. Then, you’re constantly worried about whether or not the IRS is going to knock down your door Liam Nesson style.
Filling out the W9 was so nerve wrecking that you’re now curled up in a ball worried about whether or not the IRS knows you didn’t fill it out correctly. What will they do to me? Am I going to Jail?
10. Which further reminds you that you didn’t read the conditions of your student loans...
Great not only did you eff up your tax forms, but you’re also completely screwed next semester. But, you figure you’ll be in jail anyway, so it doesn’t matter, right?
11. In turn causing you to go to the bar to blow off the fact that math has ruined your entire life.
And, of course, you forgot your ID, so when the bartender asks what year you were born you just explode into a pile of anxiety filled sobs.
