Everyone has their assumptions about English majors, but do they really understand us? I don't think so. English majors have a certain bond, we've been through the same types of classes, we understand the world in a very different way than most people. If you're an English major, you will definitely understand these:
1. You've read these books...and more than once.
I'll stop there, don't worry.
2. You've spent an entire class analyzing one sentence.
Your notebook has definitely looked something like this because of that one sentence.
3. You're always afraid you're not English-y enough.
Just when you think you've made it -- your paper's finished and your analysis is on point -- one student decides to share their thoughts. And they are definitely not anything like what your paper argues. We've all been there...just slouch back in your seat. You'll get 'em next time.
4. Everyone assumes all we like to do is read and drink tea.
....Your assumptions are correct. Granted it's not all we like to do; we are social people, people! But normally we do have our face shoved in books...and well, tea is good company, what can we say?
5. Grammar Nazis.
I guess I'll just apologize for all of us, but we're not very sorry, sometimes it's just fun! It's like our own little game. Plus, unless you still have snack time, you should probably know the difference between than, then, their, there, they're, etc. I've added the word "definitely" in here multiple times as well. And if you don't know why, then you're one of them.
6. We don't understand how to text.
Not only do we text paragraphs, we text with proper grammar, punctuation, indents, a thesis, MLA format...OK we're not that crazy, but close enough.
7. We have the best conversations.
Most people believe their "deeper" side comes out in the early mornings at like 1 or 2 a.m. For English majors, that's us 24/7. We always have something intriguing to say and fortunately, someone else who thinks way too much is there to contribute.
8. Everybody knows everybody.
If you don't see this at least three times a day, are you really an English major? English majors know English majors...we all haunt each other. Chances are the same people in your class now, will be in one of the same classes next semester. We're a very small group, but we all always get along. We become a family.
9. The papers never end.
Oh, you know. You've just finished reading those millions of chapters and you just stapled that seven-page paper, but oh, no, no. The dreaded email. You have another paper. Oh, and another from your other class. You think that's it? You forgot all about the book you were supposed to read by tomorrow. Cue coffee consumption: now.
10. Shakespeare is your life.
You spend more time with this man than you do with your friends and family. Shakespeare has become your mother, father, aunt, uncle, brother, sister, dog, cat, fish...he is the epitome of the life of an English major. I didn't include him with the books because he pretty much is good standing alone. As long as you're an English major, Shakespeare will always be with you.
11. Finally, the question we are SO tired of hearing: "Are you going to teach?"
No. No. No. No. No. NO. We will NOT be homeless, we MIGHT be teachers, but that isn't all. We can do ANYTHING. The English major is very versatile; we learn extremely useful skills that can be adapted to any type of job. Don't believe me? Watch where we end up. We're in this together.
Who's with me?!
...Hello? Guys? You can put the books down for two seconds.
All right, now.
Who's with me?!
