1. "Y'all got the chip?"

I kid you not. On the card reader there is a sign saying "If you have a chip in your card, insert it in the bottom of the reader." Do the customers care to look? No. Do they ask nicely, "Does your chip reader work?" No. Y'ALL GOT THE CHIP?! Is what the customers yell at us cashiers. Please don't yell at us. Please just open your eyes and be respectful.

2. "Every time the machine makes that beeping noise it's like my card is being declined."

You don't say? I've never heard that before.

Wow, you're so right.

You should be a comedian.

*Fake smiles*

All are appropriate reactions to the 100th time hearing the loud noise and the oh so funny comparison.

3. "Working hard or hardly working?"

You know, random old guy, I'm working very hard trying controlling my disgust right now.

4. My personal favorite: "Is Pierce your first or last name?"

Please explain to me why I'd put my last name on my name tag.

5. "Can you help me find this?"

Sure, let me leave my register with people in my line to walk to the back of the store and help you find something. Even though there are people that work in the back that know exactly where everything is. Yes, let's go.

6. "My phone number is..."

Excuse me, I am still ringing up the groceries for the person in front of you. Could you please stop yelling your phone number at me? I really don't care.

7. "You didn't bag my stuff right."

Would you like to come around here and re-bag everything? Or continue complaining because when you get home, it's all going to the same place. Your milk, bread, and produce are safe. Please calm down.

8. "I sure hope I have enough money for this."

I sure hope you do too because you're not paying for this with your humor.

9. "You going to pay for this for me?"

Absolutely not. Please pay and please leave.

10. "Nope, that's way too much."

Well, there are prices right under the items you intended to purchase. You know how much they are.

11. "You should smile more."

Gee thanks. I'll get right on that. I'll smile as you walk out the door and prepare myself for the next annoying and repetitive customer's comment.