Not every woman wants children. Being a mother is not the only goal of every woman on this planet. We don't all grow up playing with baby dolls and dreaming of the day we finally become mothers. Some of us just don't want children. Some of us have a long list of reasons on why we don't want to be mothers. For me, the list is pretty short: I don't like children. One thing I know all women who don't want children can all agree on is that we are sick of all the responses we get when we tell people we don't want children. So next time a woman in your life says she doesn't want to be a mother please try avoid saying any of these things.
1. "Are you sure?"
No, I'm just saying I don't want children for laughs. Yes, I am sure. I am confident that I do not want children. Asking me if I am sure is not going to change my mind.
2. "Just wait until you meet the right guy!"
Trust me, my desire to not be a mother will not change by meeting a guy. I'm not going to be walking down the street, see a handsome dude and all of the sudden want to start procreating. It just won't happen, so stop telling me that it will.
3. "Won't your parents be disappointed?"
My parents have plenty to be proud of that does not involve my ability to pop out a baby. My parents made the choice to have kids (and therefore me) and I am eternally grateful for that. But their choice is not my choice.
4. "You'll never understand the love a parent feels."
You aren't wrong here. I will never understand the deep love that a parent feels for their child. I am completely okay with that.
5. "You'll change your mind some day."
You don't know what is going on in my head. I know that I cannot see into the future. Yet I can say with certainty that I will not change my mind. In fact, each minute that passes I am more set in my ways.
6. "Why?"
To be frank, it is none of your business. If you ask me this I guarantee I will never respond in a serious manner. My decision to not have children is deeply personal and entirely my own. I may not even have a reason to not want children other than I just don't. Deal with it.
7. "Did you not have good parents?"
This is wrong on so many levels. For one, my parents are fantastic. I think they did an amazing job of raising me. Their parenting did not turn me off from wanting children. Secondly, this is not a question you can just casually ask. A person's relationship with their parents is incredibly personal. Don't open up old wounds by asking this question.
8. "But you're still so young!"
You are correct. I am young. I have a long life ahead of me. One that I want to be child free. Just because I am young does not mean that I am incapable of making life choices. There are plenty of people my age that know they don't want kids in the near future but know that they want kids someday.
9. "You aren't really a woman until you have children."
This one is so painful to hear. Not only it insulting to women that cannot physically have children but if I identify as a woman than I am really a woman. Nothing more to it.
10. "Are you a lesbian?"
Honestly, the first time some asked me this I thought they were joking. I was horrified to find out they were serious. I know many lesbians that are mothers or that cannot wait to be mothers. Sexuality has no bearing on motherhood. Also, my sexuality is really not any of your business.
11. "Aren't you worried you will never get married then?"
Of course I might have relationships that will end because the other person wants children. Having children to save a relationship is quite possibly the worst thing you can do. Also, I am not the only person in the world that doesn't want children. If I am well then I guess I'll be alone forever. It's still more appealing to me than having children.
So, next time a woman in your life says "I do not want children" please don't say any of these statements. Pro tip: unless you are this individual's partner and having children is important to the future of your relationship a simple "okay" is a perfectly acceptable response.
