Stage 1: The Assignment
January 19 (8:00 AM): Well, this is it, the beginning of a new semester, and your professor walks in and hands you the prompt for a paper due in three months. You look it over, and suddenly find yourself awkwardly looking over your friend's shoulders to see if they have any idea what this paper is about. You quietly mumble, "Analytical Explication Paper on Poetry by Alfred Tennyson, William Blake, and T.S. Eliot" and realize you don't even know what class you're in.
Stage 2: The Early-Bird
January 19 (3:00 PM): "It's a new semester and I'm going to start this paper early and NOT put it off to the night before like every other year!" We've all uttered this ridiculous lie at least once. Obviously that 30 day break you just had for Christmas which you spent watching all 9 seasons of How I Met Your Mother, broke you of your procrastinating habits.
Stage 3: The Resurfacing of All Your Procrastination Habits
January 20 - March 6: In all honesty, you genuinely intended to start your paper early this year, but it would just be rude to deny your friends the pleasure of your company. And besides, someone has to use that Netflix account your parents are paying for.
Stage 4: Mid-Semester
March 7 (8:00 AM): Here you are, enjoying your semester and all of the adventures that have come with it. When one beautiful Monday, you walk into class and the professor announces that first reminder that the semester is halfway over and papers are due in a month. Of course, you shrug it off because you have a whole month, right?
Stage 5: "I Swear I Have Something Due Soon..."
April 18th: So, you know that scene from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets where Neville's Remembrall tells him he's forgotten something but fails to tell him what that something is? Yeah, that's pretty much how your brain has treated this assignment...
Stage 6: The Realization
May 5th: And then, of course, there is the moment when you realize that 10-page paper is due in a week and you still don't know who Alfred Tennyson is...
Stage 7: "Let's Get Down to Business"
May 10 (1:30 PM): So, after many hours of hard work, you step back to take a look at your progress... The results aren't always satisfying, but you definitely deserve a break!
Stage 8: Just One More Episode
May 10 (1:30 AM): Take a long, hard look at that. We've all been there. When Netflix asks that judgmental question, "Are you STILL watching 'Grey's Anatomy' for the 10th hour in a row?!" It always triggers the same response...
Stage 9: The Night Before
May 11 (6:00 PM - 4:30 AM): The night before the 10 page analytical explication essay about Alfred Tennyson is due, is perhaps one of the most nerve-wrecking of your life. As you scramble to piece together the last 3 pages of your paper, you can't help but reflect on earlier in the semester when you swore it was a "new semester" and you weren't going to "put it off to the night before like you had every other year". Honestly, you just want to go back in time and smack Past You in the face for putting you in this situation once again. But deep, deep, DEEP down, you know it's partially your fault.
Stage 10: The Due Date
May 12 (8:00 AM): Finally, after 5 cups of Irish coffee (hold the coffee), you walk into class red-eyed and still wearing that same over-sized t-shirt and sweatpants you were wearing 3 days ago. Nonetheless, you walk up proudly and put that masterpiece of an essay down on the professor's desk and you walk away with your head held high.
Stage 11:
May 12 (8:05 AM - wake me up when my GPA is better): You head back to your dorm for a well-deserved nap, turn on Netflix, grab a snack, and swear once again (probably in vain), that next semester you'll start your paper when it's assigned and NOT the night before!
The Aftermath:
After it's all said and done, you wait in desperate anticipation for the grades that will come at least two weeks after the promised time. But it doesn't matter, because you did what the professor said you could not do; you wrote that 10-page analytical explication paper in 24 hours. Even though you still can't tell anyone who Alfred Tennyson is, and regardless of the fact that you forgot the works cited page, you can finish the semester knowing that next year you're going to start that paper early (except probably not).
