Congratulations! You got a Little! You can now make as many "I'm expecting" jokes as you want to freak out your entire extended family on Facebook. You girl flirted for weeks trying to figure out if this New Member wanted you to be their Big. Big-Little Week is the first time you get to spoil this girl so you better go "Big." If you're not sleep deprived, behind in every single class, crying glitter, and in the deep dark depths of Pinterest, you have failed.
1. Glitter for Days
Glitter is the cheese of crafting. Cheese on top of anything automatically makes it better, just like glitter on everything makes it ten times prettier. If you are crying, sweating, and bleeding glitter you are on the right path. It will be in your hair for weeks, but that might help hide the fact that you haven't had time to wash it in the last three days anyway. You'll find it in the weirdest places. In your cereal. In the battery compartment of your remote. In the bottom of your smoothie. Everywhere.
2. Pinterest
Pinterest is the epicenter of srat-shaming. Some sorority girl you will never meet in your life gave her Little way too many crafts 2 years ago and then pinned the evidence so now you feel obligated to out do her. Thank God Pinterest has every idea imaginable because at this point you're so sleep-deprived you can't remember if you fed yourself that day let alone come up with new, trendy glitter garbage. Her favorite colors will become your favorite colors by the end of the week, but you're in luck because you have 15 different shades at the ready.
3. Painting like Picasso
Who knew you were capable of more than mediocre Paint-By-Numbers. You channel your inner Picasso and crank out canvases like there's no tomorrow. Mermaid silhouette, Greek letters, ombre dream catcher?! You feel like you can do it with your left hand and eyes closed even when it ends up on your "nice" yoga pants.
4. Field Trips to Michael's
When you're on your fifth trip to Michael's in 2 days it starts to hurt your heart a little bit. You're running out of 40% off coupons and you know the aisles better than the employees. It's the Toys 'R' Us of crafting stores during Big-Little Week so just accept the fact you'll be there more than your bed.
5. Frat Boys
God bless every frat friend you have made in your (Greek) life. Their pledges are down to help you with your crazy plans at any time of day. They deliver surprise snacks, gifts on your Little's way to class, and personalized serenades... all while shirtless. You never realized how lucky you were to be a "bro" until you needed four cute boys at the drop of a hat to run around campus with you stalking your Little. The best part... your Little is hot af and all the boys LOVE her. #ProudMom
6. What's School?
You have been up all night and it's now time for your 7 am class. You haven't even looked at your course calendar. You have only missed one day of homework, but when you finally crawl out of your crafting cave you are somehow 4 quizzes, 2 papers, and 3 group presentations behind. Failing school is okay because you're passing with flying colors in the Little game.
7. Does she know it's me? Does she want it to be me?
Everyone says college aged girls struggle with self-confidence issues. WELL DUH. Not knowing if the girl that is about to be your child actually wants it to be you she runs to on Reveal Night is as stressful as trying to figure out if she's going to put you on her list in the first place. You got the call and you claimed her, but, now, you have to sit here and hope she didn't change her mind. It's more stressful than waiting for some boy to notice you for once.
8. Catfish City
This is, by far, the biggest socially acceptable Catfish in the world. You message them from a fake Facebook and profess your love for them every day. Then, you add millions of awkward pictures you sniped off their fifth grade "Summer Time :-P" album. How did we convince ourselves this isn't creepy. She might hate you when this week is all said and done, but at least that brace face selfie got one more go around on the Internet. Big shout out to her older brother that was willing to send you the best of the worst pictures of your little one.
9. Lies on Lies
Who would've guessed that lying was THIS hard? You want to throw her off your trail and make her think you're not her Big, but what if she's relieved it isn't you?! You made her think it was her fourth choice on accident. What if she is now happy it's not you?! You try so hard, but you end up trying to convince her you're a short brunette in a Canadian boy band instead of a giraffe-like blonde covered in Mod Podge and sparkles. She knows it's you. Try again.
10. I-Spy Without Catching My Little's Eye
Big-Little Week means hiding in the most random spots on campus to get that perfect picture of cute boys surprising her with gifts. You'll be hanging off a ledge, in bushes, and uncomfortably close to strangers. If she even starts to look your way, you're flat on the ground in the middle of the Student Union without hesitation. Whatever you have to do to make that girl happy. Mama didn't raise a quitter.
11. Where's Waldo: Car Edition
You thought it was hard enough to find a parking spot at a school of 60,000 students. Try finding a SPECIFIC parking spot. It's even harder. If you're lucky enough you happened to pick the Chosen One and she has a bizarre out-of-state license plate. Shout out to your Missouri license plate in a sea of Florida oranges.
As much as this week will mentally and physically tear you apart, you finally realize what it's like to love someone like your real mom loves you. Staying up all night, having irrational mental breakdowns, and throwing money left and right is all worth it when your Little comes running through the door on Reveal Night. If you get really lucky, like I did, your Little is your number one fan, future maid-of-honor, and forever best friend making all of this glittered death march worth it.
