We've all had our fair share of both good and bad friendships by now. Growing up, I had more bad friendships than good ones, which almost destroyed my confidence.
However, if it weren't for the bad friendships that I had to experience growing up, I wouldn't have learned what a good friend is like. The bad friendships taught me to appreciate the good friendships.
I wish I'd had someone to point out the bad friends to me and explain what they were doing that was wrong, but sadly I was not given that opportunity, and I had to figure it out for myself. I'm hoping that this listicle will help readers recognize any toxic relationships they might have so that they can take the necessary steps towards healing.
Here are some tell-tale signs your friendship is probably unhealthy:
1. They only talk to you when they need something.
When you hear from them, is it to see how you're doing? Do they want to make plans with you? Do they miss you? Or do they just need a ride to the store or a small loan? If you only hear from them, chances are, they're not a true friend.
2. They insult you.
A little friend teasing never hurt anybody, but if it goes beyond harmless teasing, there's a problem. We all have insecurities, and when someone close to us preys on them, it can make it very difficult to be around them.
3. They try to change you.
Backstory: When I was eight, my "best friends" (who were naturally twig thin) thought I was too "fat" just because I didn't look like them, and they wanted me to start exercising so I could look like them. Quality friends, amirite?4. They don't support your goals/ambitions.
Don't be friends with someone who doesn't approve of your life goals. Don't be friends with someone who doesn't approve of your future plans, extracurriculars, college major, etc. If they don't support you, it just shows how insecure they are with themselves.5. You find yourself walking on eggshells around them.
Yes, we should watch what we say as saying the wrong thing can have serious consequences, but if you're scared to talk about almost anything with them in fear that they'll blow up at you, they're not good for you.
6. You feel scared/nervous when they're around.
Do you get nervous when they come home, thinking that they'll explode at you for no reason, or find some way to bring you down?7. You find yourself playing a role in their life other than a friend.
Backstory: In high school, I befriended a girl who didn't know how to act. She would constantly use manipulation tactics in order to get people to do what she wanted, and I became more of a parent/babysitter to her in order for her to make good decisions. This is not what a friendship is about.
8. They constantly ignore you/leave you out.
Do they leave you out of group chats? Do they make plans in front of you, and include everyone except you? Do they become super distant for no reason with no explanation? If so, been there, done that. It's best to let it be and find friends who won't put you through that.
9. They don't communicate when there's a problem.
We're human. We're not perfect. Sometimes we say and do things that offend others (hopefully without the intention of doing so). We can't read minds, so we don't know if we've done something to wrong you unless you communicate. Ignoring people or cutting them out of your life because they did one wrong thing to you is beyond immature.
10. Being around them becomes more of a burden than a pleasure.
You know, when you have to muster up every ounce of energy that you can in order to be around them. Not fun.
11. You develop an unhealthy attachment to them.
This one isn't as obvious, but sometimes we develop attachments to those who aren't good for us as a means of coping with the fact that they are harming us with their actions. Have you ever wanted so badly to keep someone in your life, but you knew you had to get rid of them?
I wish I had made better choices about who I surrounded myself with growing up, but through my negative experiences, I am better able to distinguish between those I should surround myself with, and those I shouldn't.
