Toxic relationships are more common than most people think. There is a false belief that toxic relationships require physical abuse, but some of the most damaging relationships are psychologically destructive. Even the strongest people can find themselves powerless and trapped in a relationship that is no good for them. If any of these signs are pertinent to you, it is time to walk away.
1. You never feel good enough.
Everything you do seems to revolve around proving your worth to this person. Their validation becomes the single most important thing in the relationship. When you gain their approval, you look for more of that feeling and it keeps you hanging onto them. If their approval isn't gained, you feel like a failure and try harder to prove your worth. You feel like you never do anything right. You start to question yourself and try to change things about yourself to be better and "good enough".
2. You fight to win
All relationships will have arguments but there is a difference between arguing your differences and fighting to tear the other person down. There is usually a lot of resentment of built up anger from either person. This is extremely unhealthy because the goal is to make the other person feel low and bad about themselves. There should be no winner or loser in a fight that occurs in a relationship. The whole point of a relationship is to work together and anything other than that is just a waste of time.
3. It's always your fault, not their fault.
This person will not take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they will blame you for their wrong doings and even guilt trip you for the rightful reaction you took to their actions. You are always the problem. They do not try to understand your feelings and will make it seem as if you are "overreacting" or "too emotional". They do not make an effort to see their fault and do not try to work or change any aspect of their behavior.
4. You can't focus
All other things in your life start spiraling out of control because of this person. There is a constant state of uneasiness in your mood. Instead of focusing on school, work, practice, etc., you can't do that because you're constantly thinking of how you could fix things with this person. In reality, you can't do anything because you are not the problem, they are. Is it worth it?
5. Lying to your friends about it
Your friends know what is best for you. It is hard to see for yourself how big of a mess you're in when you're in the middle of it. They know you, love you, and have told you many times that you should end this bad relationship because you deserve better. It starts to feel embarrassing that you haven't left the relationship and so you A) hide the relationship or B) downplay your issues in the relationship. Either way, this is a huge no-no.
6. Romanticizing the past
Remember all those sweet things this person used to tell you? If the good feelings start to fade and the nice things drastically diminish over time, that is not a good sign. It's not wise to live in the past and reminisce about things this person once did. We tend to remember the good parts of the relationship and block out the ugly parts.The truth is they are not the person you thought they were. Let it go.
7. You feel like you've lost yourself
Being with this person goes against your entire set of values. If this person inhibits your growth and takes away your peace and happiness, they are not contributing to your life in a positive way. Being in love means being yourself. If you aren't the happy, bubbly, and outgoing person you once were, this person is draining you of your good qualities.
8. Lack of Trust
You feel like you can't believe what this person tells you anymore. There have been many lies and it's difficult to tell whether this person is being genuine or not. There is always anxiety and doubt in the back of your mind. A relationship without trust is already broken.
9. Persistent unreliability
Toxic relationships thrive on control. This person knows exactly what to say and when to say it to keep you around. If this person promises you things and doesn't go through with them time and time again, then it is time to let go. Actions speak louder than words.
10. You have been warned by many people
Its may seem good to try and get to know a person before believing any preconceived notions others may have told you, but if many people have warned you of the same behavior of a specific person, run. Run far, far away. There is a reason that people are repeating the same thing and it is not a coincidence.
11. Are you even happy?
Are you really happy? Like actually happy? You should not have to rationalize why you aren't happy with this person. You're not expected to feel happy all the time. However, if a person makes you feel more bad about yourself than good, it is time to cut things off. You should have someone by your side that gives you the love and support that you deserve.
Cutting off a toxic relationship is like ripping off a band-aid. It is better to rip it off quickly than slowly and at first it will burn, but with each passing day it will get easier. Walk away from the people who hurt you so you can make room for the people who deserve the real you.
