1. I am fat.
Um... no. I'm not. Whether my doctor says I'm underweight or normal, my eating disorder will always tell me I am fat. And I'm not. Anorexia is scared of my unbelief, because as soon as I stop believing that I am fat, the excuse I give myself for restricting disappears.
2. I'm not sick enough for help or treatment.
There is no such thing as sick enough. When I think of relapse, I think of where I was before I went inpatient. But, in outpatient, I am still sick. There is no in between of sick and well. I do not need to be wasting away to ask for help and to receive it. Everyone with an eating disorder deserves help.
3. I will eat normally once I weigh x pounds.
No, I won't. Because I didn't eat normally the first time I weighed x pounds, nor the second, nor the third. I didn't look how I thought I'd look at any stage, and so I told myself I'd eat normally once I looked a specific way. But for my body, that will always be impossible. This is how anorexia kept me trapped for years, and I will not give in to it again.
4. My treatment team wants to make me fat.
My treatment team wants me to be healthy. When my body is not healthy, my mind is not healthy. And when my mind is not healthy, I can't do nearly as much work at the root of my struggles. My brain doesn't function nearly as well. I have trouble keeping up in classes and therapy. My treatment team is not trying to make me fat; they're trying to improve my quality of life.
5. I have to be perfect.
There is no such thing as a perfect person. And skinny is not all that I should aspire to. Skinny will not make me perfect, because I have many more flaws than just my body.
6. No one will love me if I'm not skinny.
That is to say, people only love me for my body. Not true. 90% of people do not care what I look like. My body is not a flaw to be conditioned in order to be worthy of love.
7. Everyone is watching me eat.
No one cares what I'm eating. They have their own lives and food and better things to focus on than how many chips I've eaten in the last 60 seconds.
8. I don't like that food.
I like that food. Whether or not I'm a picky eater, my eating disorder used to try to convince me that I hated my favorite foods. So yeah, I love crackers and cheese and pasta and salad dressing. Stop telling me that I don't.
9. The less I eat, the stronger I am.
It is easier for me to avoid eating. Therefore, it shows strength when I sit down to eat and fight what I naturally incline toward. And physically speaking, it's impossible to gain- or even maintain- strength without food.
10. My family and friends will not understand; I don't have to tell them since they wouldn't be helpful anyway.
But my family and friends do not have to understand. They just have to know. They might never understand because they have never experienced it, but that does not mean they can't be supportive.
11. It's not really a big deal.
This barely warrants a response. Slow suicide, intentional or not, is a big deal. Starving is a big deal. Abusing my body and hurting those who love me is always a big deal.
Eating disorders are serious mental illnesses. If you have an eating disorder, please get help.
