College is hard. Like, really hard. Suddenly, you’re actually supposed to wake up to your own alarm clock (is it really that embarrassing if someone still has to call me to make sure I get up in the morning? Yes? Oh. Never mind). Time management takes on a whole new meaning.
Sleep is no longer a given, but a luxury to be snatched at and held close when you (literally) stumble upon it. You’d better learn to drink your coffee black,or else you’ll be real broke, real quick (by that I mean even more broke even more quickly than the rest of us, which is really saying something).
Fortunately for all of us suffering from this labyrinth we call “higher education,” we have a legend on our side. Call him whatever you prefer: Yeez, Yeezy, Yeezus, Mr. West, “that asshole who cut off Taylor Swift that one time.” It doesn’t matter. Kanye understands what we’re going through, and he’s here to sympathize.
1. Thinking you can handle a 9 a.m. even after several people warn you otherwise.
Just because you got up that time every day in high school does NOT mean it will work here. Rookie mistake.
2. Being late to said 9 a.m.
You tried really hard! It’s not your fault that your phone somehow ended up across the room when the alarm started going off. I swear this place is haunted or something.
3. When your friend calls you out when you walk into that class late, unshowered and wearing the shirt you slept in.
Do you think I don’t know what I look like right now? Trust me, I know. I know.
4. When the only person you know in a class drops and you have to find someone else to study with.
What are friends for, anyway? Certainly not for making me take calculus on my own. I am positive of that. I don’t care if there are other cool, smart people in the class. Change is bad and that is that.
5. “Cheer up, it’s Tuesday! Better than Monday!”
Unless you are either telling me that class is cancelled or that I am mistaken and it’s actually Friday, do not speak.
6. When someone tries to help you with homework, but it turns out you were right and they were wrong.
On the one hand, ha ha, I win! On the other hand, I listened to you and got a 2/5, so I’m not sure if there’s really a true winner here.
7. “The work you show will determine partial credit.”
Do you get the pun? Hehe. Thanks, Kanye.
8. When the professor says only one person got above a 65 percent on the test and someone asks if it was you.
It’s fine to be the curve-killer, just don’t admit to it. Ever.
9. When you get multiple assignments back at once and got good grades on all of them.
I would like to thank not only God, but also Yeezus, for this amazing opportunity.
10. Calculating exactly what grade you need on the final to pass instead of studying for said final.
There's something comforting about knowing that you can still get a B- with a 37.4 percent on the exam.
11. Watching Netflix while your best friend sits there studying and glaring at you.
“Sorry, what did you ask about cations and anions? Derek Morgan just kicked a door down, I was distracted.”
Through it all, we’re really just trying to get by. Are we doing so successfully? Debatable. But, like The Man, The Myth, The Legend himself said when asked, “How’s ‘Ye doing?”
I’m survivin.’
