1. This bulldog puppy, whose name I do not know, but he looks like a Derek.
If you don't want to see this little guy talk about the issues, then I don't know, there's something wrong with you.
2. This perfectly round head of lettuce.
Clearly this head of lettuce is qualified. With 107% more potassium than Donald Trump, I'd say it's a no-brainer.
3. This beautifully pointed pencil.
Only because the heading writes itself: Pen Cil Makes Great Point in Last Night's Debate.
4. This regular jack o'lantern.
Because he's still less orange than Donald Trump, and probably has more brains, even after they were all scooped out.
5. This upstanding citizen.
Pretty sure there's an Amendment that states, "Honesty Is The Best Policy." This guy knows what I'm talking about.
6. Kevin Malone from The Office (who may have been Ted Cruz undercover all along)
He plays the drums and Dunder Mifflin never went bankrupt...2/2 better than Trump and 1/2 better than Hillary.
7. Tillikum, the misunderstood star of Blackfish.
Because he deserves it. SeaWorld stocks? Down. Tilikum in the polls? UP.
8. This excited otter.
This guy is just happy to be alive. You can't look at that face and still vote for anyone else. You can't.
9. Something funnier than 24...25.
Because this scene was voted Most Iconic Scene in Television eleven years in a row. Wait what? I made that up? Oh well, it should've been.
10. An Ice Age marathon
Because...can you think of literally anything worse than this (other than the 2016 election)? I'll give you as much time as you need. (There's seven movies by the way in case you weren't paying attention. There's seven of them. S e v e n. 7.)
11. Rebecca Black
She always wakes up on time (7 am), she freshens up and has her bowl (of cereal), and she makes difficult decisions (which seat should she take?) You go, Glenn Coco Rebecca Black.
