Ah, the subway. How do I even begin to describe the MTA service in New York City. It's crowded, hot and sticky underground during the summer, hot air blowing in your face from the approaching trains and sweaty people holding onto the poles invading your personal space. And it's about the same during the winter with the addition of less room inside the train cars because of bulky jackets.
It really is an adventure to ride the subway; you learn that timing the trains never works, you learn where on the platform you should stand so you're in front of the doors and in front of your exit when you get off, and you learn a few tricks on how to make the ride as quick and pleasant as possible.
As a born-and-raised New Yorker, I've encountered my fair share of interesting rides and have a few fun subway stories to keep for around the campfire. However, even though each time I ride the subway is different, there is some consistency.
For those of you who've never ridden the subway, allow me to break it down for you. So, sit back, put your feet up, and grab a fellow subway goer as I disclose 101 thoughts all New Yorkers have while riding the subway:
Imagine you're walking down the steps into the train station, any train station.
1. Okay, I need my MetroCard. Where is it?
2. Why did I put my wallet all the way at the bottom of my bag? This is impossible.
3. And now I'm holding up the line, great. I'll just step aside...oh, wait. Found it.
4. Please, let it work on the first swipe.
5. YES! IT WORKED!
6. Okay. Gah, it smells down here. And it's getting hotter.
7. Why don't I just get a car and drive around?
8. Oh, that's right. Because parking.
9. Okay, where's my train?
10. Why is this lady looking at me? I'm not an idiot. I know not to fall into the tracks.
11. I could scare her and get right to the edge of the platform. *evil laugh*
12. What if I did fall down there?
13. And a train was coming?
14. I bet I could climb back up.
15. Nah, I had a big breakfast.
16. I could just lie down on the tracks. I read about that somewhere.
17. Oh, trains coming. I better get by the doors.
18. Yeah, that's right, I know exactly where to stand so I can be by the doors.
19. This lady is standing in front of where the doors open. She better move so people can exit the train.
20. She's still not moving. What's her deal?
21. You see, people can't get off because of you!
22. Damn, newbies.
23. Okay, hold up.....who just pushed me?
24. I swear, push me again and watch what happens.
25. I'M GETTING ON THE TRAIN TOO! DON'T RUSH ME!
26. WHY? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO STAND BY THE DOORS WHEN PEOPLE NEED TO GET ON THE TRAIN? WHY?
27. People are so stupid sometimes.
28. Okay, you're not moving? Fine, I'm just going to push you so I can stand comfortably and not pressed up against some sweaty stranger.
29. Oh, dude. Ever heard of deodorant?
30. Give me your address, I'll send you one.
31. I wonder how many people touched this pole before me.
32. I should probably wash my hands after I get off this train.
33. But, let's be real. I'll probably forget.
34. Alright, train, let's get a move on.
35. Doors, I command you to close.
36. The air is being mixed and it's making me sick. Close the doors already.
37. Lady, you are not going to fit. Get off the train. There's another one two minutes away.
38. I will literally push you off the train.
39. Someone, either pull her in or push her off.
40. Thank you whoever you are.
41. Now, we can finally leave this freaking station.
42. *looks left* Ooh, he's playing a game.
43. Go left, dude. I see something sparkly there. Is that even part of the game?
44. Oh, no. Your screen is just broken.
45. My screen is also broken. I should get that fixed.
46. Alright, let's see what playlist I have on my phone.
47. What am I in the mood for?
48. No. No. No. No. Eh...no. Ooh, I haven't heard this song in forever.
49. This is such a good song.
50. I wonder if people can see me dancing to this song.
51. Can they even follow the beat?
52. They probably think I'm crazy.
53. Well, I am, so they're not wrong.
54. Wow, this train is going fast.
55. I wonder what would happen if the doors just flew open and the train was still going this speed.
56. We're surrounded by walls, I don't think anyone would fly out.
57. That'd be kind of cool.
58. And now I'm thinking about that movie where lava was forming in the subway tunnels in L.A.
59. It's so loud down here.
60. And it smells so bad.
61. People, you all need to shower.
62. WITH soap.
63. Ah, my arm is getting tired.
64. I should switch arms.
65. But now I'm reaching too far to grab the other pole.
66. I wish I could just sit down.
67. Oh, we're slowing down already?
68. That was fast. *laughs to self at bad pun*
69. I'm hilarious.
70. But I should stop.
71. Okay, we're at the next station.
72. I hope this train conductor knows how to drive properly and doesn't stop the train so abruptly that it sends everyone flying on top of other people.
73. Slowly, nice. Good job, train conductor.
74. You get a gold star.
75. I really need to stop.
76. Just like this train. *laughs at bad pun...again*
77. There are so many people on this platform.
78. Ya'll are not gonna fit.
79. Doors opening, people still standing in the way.
80. God, people, learn to ride the subway correctly.
81. That same lady who couldn't get on, now won't get off even as other people push her.
82. She's like the ball in a pinball machine, getting bounced around.
83. Why is this so entertaining to watch?
84. Oh, now she's standing next to me.
85. Lady, don't push me.
86. I'm taller than you. I could step on you.
87. I'm not going to, but I could.
88. The train isn't as crowded anymore.
89. Wait, I stand corrected.
90. Why does there have to be so many teenagers making so much noise on the train this early in the morning?
91. Yo, children, shut up!
92. Don't make me walk over there to quiet you down.
93. You are so lucky the train's moving again.
94. Ya'll knew I would've walked over.
95. This lady just fell on me.
96. I have to be nice to you because you are old, but I'm actually just scorning you because YOU WEREN'T HOLDING ON!
97. Didn't you learn anything the first time?
98. God, I can't take this much longer.
99. How many more stops?
100. 14!??!!!
101. Well, sh*t.
