If you did't know already, Washington State University is the amazing university us Cougs call home. There are about a million reasons why someone would want to become a Coug, but I'll spare you that lengthy list. Instead, I've settled on 100 things I would rather do than step foot on that forbidden land called the University of Washington.
1. Let Edward Scissor Hands give me a back massage.
2. Throw my laptop down a flight of stairs.
3. Moisturize my face with hot sauce.
4. Cough up a lung.
5. Never connect to wifi ever again.
6. Eat hospital food for the rest of my life.
7. Peel a potato with a toothpick.
8. Snort baby formula.
9. Give myself a paper cut between each of my fingers.
10. Never eat cheese again.
11. Eat a brick.
12. Eat an onion like an apple.
13. Lick a gas station toilet.
14. Bathe in mayonaise.
15. Walk on shattered glass.
16. Use vinegar as eyedrops.
17. Drink a gallon of mustard.
18. Eat a handful of bumble bees.
19. Get braces again.
20. Use sandpaper as toilet paper.
21. Shave my head.
22. Name my first born child North.
23. Bite my tongue off.
24. Talk politics with a 5th grader.
25. Clean a fraternity house bathroom.
26. Get a root canal.
27. Drink warm beer.
28. Get stung by a jelly fish and have a stranger pee on me.
29. Drink hairspray.
30. Have my car stolen.
31. Give birth to a bear.
32. Take part in the Hunger Games
33. Wash my hair with Nair.
34. Have my tonsils removed.
35. Live in a box.
36. Have spiders walk on me.
37. Get bit by a snake.
38. Sit on a red ant hill.
39. Get a third degree burn.
40. Lick the inside of a Port A Potty.
41. Pull out my teeth with pliers.
42. Shave off my eyebrows.
43. Step on leggos.
44. Give up eating bacon.
45. Drink bleach.
46. Read 50 Shades of Grey to my grandmother.
47. Mack a sandwich with only the ends of the bread.
48. Get food poisoning.
49. Get the flu.
50. Step in dog poop with bare feet.
51. Have endless hang nails.
52. Stub my toe.
53. Have someone steal my identity.
54. Never drink wine again.
55. Go back to dial up internet.
56. Get 100 mosquito bites.
57. Get a speeding ticket.
58. Walk on hot coals.
59. Go to jail.
60. Fly to mars with 18- two year olds.
61. Receive an electric shock every time I pee.
62. Wear a hot pink leotard to church.
63. Have Gordon Ramsay critique my cooking.
64. Sit next to someone on a plane who’s eating tuna.
65. Have my home be under constant loud renovation involving jackhammers.
66. Take a bath in jalapeño juice.
67. Never eat chocolate again.
68. Personally tell every child in the world that there is no Santa Claus.
69. Hitchhike nude in a snow storm.
70. Re-watch my first kiss on a movie theatre-sized screen.
71. Go to work naked.
72. Be a nun.
73. Engage in a singing contest against Adele on live television.
74. Douse myself in honey and sacrifice myself to a bear.
75. Eat a stranger’s booger.
76. Lose $100.
77. Throw up on my crush.
78. Total my car.
79. Never eat pizza again.
80. Clean my kitchen floor with my toothbrush.
81. Run a marathon in flip flops.
82. Eat an entire bag of raw chia seeds without being able to brush my teeth afterward.
83. Get slapped in the face.
84. Walk across the Sahara Desert.
85. Eat a live cockroach.
86. Have someone shoot me with a paintball at point-blank range.
87. Be punched.
88. Get the wind knocked out of me.
89. Write a 10-page essay about tangerines.
90. Dissect a pig.
91. Eat gum off a subway rail.
92. Take a bath filled with sardines.
93. Walk 500 miles.
94. Fight Voldemort in the Battle of Hogwarts.
95. Swallow a battery.
96. Pass an entire Slim Jim through my sinus cavity.
97. Forget how to read.
98. Grow a rattail.
99. Invest my lifesavings in Blockbuster stock.
100. Literally anything.
