Over the weekend, I spent 4 days in Illinois, visiting my best friend and looking at schools. I got to meet her friends and work in a "Final Destination" haunted house with them for two nights, which was way more fun than I ever imagined. I took the liberty of writing down some of the funnier things people said when they went through our floor, which made the nights even better.

Night One: Emily and I worked on the 4th floor, which was intended to be dark and mess with your mind. On the first night, we were assigned to a storage closet along with another volunteer. It was pitch black except for a green and orange strobe going off, which Emily stood under. The groups then had to choose to go left or right, both of which were dead ends, which the other two of us would then step out of. The groups then had to go back the way they came in. We mostly said nothing, unless the groups were taking too long, and we would tell them to turn back.

1. Me: "TURN AROUND." Group: *singing* "TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EEEEEYES!"

2. Me: "TURN AROUND." Girl: "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU'RE NOT MY MOM!

3. Man: *sees strobe light* "Ah, yes, the disco party. Is this the VIP entrance?"

4. "IT DOESN'T HELP THAT I CAN'T SEE!"

5. (SO MANY PEOPLE SAID THIS.) "Hey, add me on Instagram????

6. "Ah, yes, I love the game left, right, or center."

7. *girl starts crying* Girl's friends: Nicole stop!!! You're ruining it for everyone!!!

8. Man: "Oh, HELL nah."

9. Same man: "That's a wall, y'all."

10. Man: *whispers* "You guys are doing a great job."

11. *singing/screaming* SCOOBY DOOBY DOO WHERE ARE YOUUUUU?????

12. "It's like in Scooby Doo!! Don't trust what the ghosts say!!!"

13. Me: "TURN AROUND." Girl: "Are you my GPS??"

14. "I DON'T LIKE THIS I HATE THIS WHY DID I DO THIS"

15. *sees Emily's contacts* "This girl makes me want to kill myself!!"

16. *singing/screaming* "IS THIS THE REAAAAL LIIIIIFE OR IS THIS JUST FAAANTASYYYYY"

17. (This was a common phrase too) "I'm gonna have epilepsy!!"

18. "When nothing goes right, go left!!"

19. Kid: *goes up to Emily* "What do you call a fake noodle?? AN IMPASTA!! What's the ruler-" Friend: "NO YOU TOLD IT WRONG!" Kid: "What's the king of the school supplies?? THE RULER!!"

20. "Oh, hello scary girl!"

21. "I HATE THIS!!!"

22. "Will you take a selfie with me??"

23. *talking about pop-it fireworks that are being thrown* "Watch out for the Pop Rocks!!"

24. "I stepped on something mossy!!"

25. "It's like a sauna in here!" *they say, with no sort of fog or heat*

26. "Righty tighty, lefty loosy! *goes right* I guess we're going lefty loosy!"

27. "Why are you trying to scare us?? That's mean!!"

28. "Did K- M- do your makeup?? We know K- M-."

29. *repeating* "JAIME LE BAGUETTE, JAIME LE FROMAGE"

30. "Is E- Y- working in here?? E-?? Where are you??"

31. "I'm playin', are you playin'?"

32. *friend is crying* "C'mon Jamie!! They're fake people!!"

33. "I hate this!! Why do we always go the wrong way, right is always right!!"

34. Me: "TURN AROUND." Kid: "Thanks for the horrifying sense of direction!"

35. "Do you have Snapchat?? Does anyone in here have Snapchat?? Add me on Snapchat!! No Snapchat??"

36. "Which way do we go? How much do you get paid to do this? Trump or Hilary 2k16?"

37. Worker in the house: "WELCOME" Man in last group of the night: WELCOME TO THE FIERY FIST OF PAIN!!

Night Two: Emily and I were on the same floor, but two new volunteers took over in the strobe closet. We moved to the middle of the room instead, where the groups had to pass before leaving. The haunted house was in a park district, so there was a long hallway before the exit to the stairs, with a green stage light shining. Emily stood under the green light as groups came onto the floor, then moved behind a door before they got to our part. When people were focused on seeing Emily, I was hiding behind a curtain, and I jumped out, threw myself on the ground, then crawled at people. Sometimes I had to crawl backwards, depending on where the groups walked, but Emily and I tried to get in the middle of the groups before they left. I woke up the next day with HUGE bruises on my legs, but #worthit.) People were much more scared and there were less younger kids that night.

38. "Did Spongebob really end?"

39. Group: "GANG GANG GANG GANG"

40. Man: "Ah, the American teenager, awfully scary."

41. Kid: "THIS IS MY FRIEND DREW, HE LIKES NIPPLES!"

42. *sees strobe* "This is the part where I start to get really angry at lights!

43. Kids: *go into green light and start breakdancing*

44. *singing/screaming* "IIIIIIIIIIIII'M DREEEEEAMING OF A WHIIIIIITE CHRIIIISTMAAAAAAAS"

45. Me: *crawling across floor* Man: "That's good exercise."

46. Girl: *sees me on floor* "I CHALLENGE YOU TO A SPLIT-OFF! *drops into splits and stares at me*...okay, now this girl is going to kill me."

47. "AH! THERE'S A PERSON-THING!"

48. (We heard this a lot too) "IF YOU TOUCH ME, I'LL SUE YOU! I'LL SUE!"

49. "College?? How do you guys feel about college?? College???"

50. "My name is H-, but you can call me ANY TIME!"

51. "I'M COLORBLIND!"

52. "Are you TRYING to sacrifice me??"

53. *running away from us* "BILL COSBY BILL COSBY"

54. "Can we take a selfie for Instagram?...Okay, no Instagram."

55. "Hey girl heyyyy! I love your glasses!"

56. "HOLY FUCK"

57. Kid: *repeating* "SLOPPY KISSES FROM GRANDMA" Friend: "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

58. "SOMEONE TURN ON THEIR FUCKING FLASHLIGHT!"

59. "HIT THE WHIP!! NOW WATCH ME NAYNAY!!"

60. Middle school kid in hat: *blows kiss at me*

61. "BITCH, FIND ME!"

62. "HOLY JESUS! THIS IS WHY I'M CHRISTIAN, BECAUSE OF SHIT LIKE THIS!"

63. Man: "Stairs again. That's the scariest part of this house."

64. "You look like a monkey! OOH OOH AAH AAH"

65. "I'M ADOPTED!"

66. Girls: *saying nonsense in British accents*

67. *singing/screaming* "COME ON VAMANOS! EVERYBODY LET'S GO!"

68. *looks at me on floor* "You're the ugliest for sure. You should go to the doctor."

69. "You guys, I'm gonna shit my- AAAAAH!!!!"

70. "RUDE! YOU'RE RUDE!"

71. "Are you guys Cubs fans? I hope you are, they're winning 6-0."

72. Logical girl: "Guys, they're not allowed to answer you! They're nice people!"

73. "STOP FOLLOWING ME! Stalker."

74. "Heyyyy, that's a good crawl! Are you a dancer?"

75. "Murdering me isn't going to help."

76. "CHIIIIICKEN NUGGETTTTTS"

77. "SCREAMING ISN'T GOING TO HELP!!"

78. "MEW MEW MEW MEW MEW"

79. "Are these community service hours for you??"

80. *singing* "Watermeeeeeelon"

81. *looks at Emily's contacts* "You got those eeeeeyes."

82. "I need to take a Tylenol."

83. Kid: *looks at Emily* "Gracias!" Friend: "She doesn't speak Spanish!" Kid: "Well, she LOOKS Spanish!"

84. "Crawling things are always the worst."

85. "Are you a thug??"

86. "I'm smart!! Someone's behind there, I'm smart!"

87. "What do you want, mister dude??"

88. "Oh my god, I'm gonna kill myself."

89. Kid: "This is legit! I like this!" Friend: "I don't like this."

90. "I'm swearing right now."

91. Kid: "There's something wrong with them. They're probably constipated." Mom: "Yes, they're TOTALLY constipated. Constipation always makes a monster out of me."

92. "The Lord is my shepard..."

93. "You're not being professional! Zombies don't wear glasses, you should know that!!"

94. "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

95. "Hi dude, can we be friends?"

96. Kid: "This looks like an office!" Mom: "It is an office."

97. Mom: "Do the whip!"

98. "Strobe lights are actually the worst thing ever."

99. "That looks like a shower! I love showers."

100. Emily: "The undead don't have social media. Swipe left."