It's finally my favorite time of the year: the leaves are falling, the temperature has dropped and ghosts and ghouls fill the grey stormy skies. Halloween has always been my favorite holiday, even as an adult, and I love all the festivities that come with the holiday: carving pumpkins into jack-o'-lanterns, getting dressed up, listening to cheesy Halloween music and watching old Halloween movies. One movie that's always at the top of my list is a Disney classic: "Hocus Pocus." As you watch the film as an adult have you ever wondered if certain scenes and dialogue would be different if the movie were filmed and took place today? Here are 10 things that wouldn't have happened if "Hocus Pocus" were made today.
1. The fact that Max says he's a "rap singer" for Halloween.
One of the very first scenes in the movie, when the Dennison family is getting ready to go out for their Halloween festivities, Max is seen disgruntedly leaning against the wall in a baseball hat and sunglasses. When asked what he's dressed as he responds he is a "rap singer." Did they really use to call rappers "rap singers" who were identified by sideways caps and sunglasses?
2. All the sexual innuendos.
From the leering bus driver to Dani talking about Allison's "yabos," the movie is dripping with sexual innuendos and implications that went right over our heads as kids but probably made our parents question the cleanliness of Disney Channel back in the '90s.
4. The use of the word "virgin" in a Disney movie.
It's as if Disney wanted every child in America to look up at their parents and say, "Mommy, what's a virgin?" Not only is that word used in a movie targeted towards children, but it's repeated at least 10 times accompanied by all the sexual implications and shaming possible.
5. Impersonation of a cop.
Again, it's as if Disney is trying to tell kids "Don't trust cops, they'll just be making fun of you!" Any kind of impersonation of a police officer, especially for a Halloween costume, would definitely not be acceptable today.
6. Completely unconcerned parents.
I'm not sure what's more disheartening of Max's parents: the fact that when he comes home from school without any shoes, they just brush it off as a "new fashion trend," or the fact that they stayed out partying on Halloween until dawn and allowing their 16-year-old to literally have a girl sleep next to him in his room. It makes me wonder what stuff my parents got away with in the '90s....
7. A completely empty, unlocked and unguarded school.
Don't even get me started on this one. Doesn't it seem a little bit strange, on the most spooky and mischievous night of the year, that the local high school was left completely open for anyone to walk into without any kind of security system or police watching over it? Nowadays, if I'm even in the vicinity of my old high school, no matter the time of day, I have to get through at least five locked doors, provide at least five different forms of ID and answer to glaring looks from police officers as to why I'm there.
8. The Devil's wife smoking a cigarette and drinking alcohol.
Even if the character is an old, mean, unlikeable lady who hates the Sanderson sisters, there definitely wouldn't be any depiction of anyone smoking or holding an alcoholic beverage in any kind of TV show, movie or commercial geared towards kids on Disney Channel.
9. The ignorance around the bullying.
Two characters in the movie, Ice and Jay, are clearly defined as the classic "bullies" early on in the film. Aggressive, stupid and just overall unlikeable, these bullies steal Max's shoes, torment kids trick-or-treating and even choose to get into a fight with Max's younger sister, Dani. What really bothers me about this film is that there's no justice brought to these bullies, and it shows that bullies can get away with their mean and obnoxious behavior. Disney justifies their actions by letting them die at the hands of the Sanderson sisters. A little extreme and impossible for real life.
10. Sarah Jessica Parker's tits.
Do I need to even say anything else?
