As college students, we’re all trying to pretend like we know what we’re doing with our lives. Especially those like me, who are close to graduation, acting like you’ve got it all together is vital.
1. Paint Your Nails
People who have the time to actually give a crap about their cuticle care are the kind of people you want to aspire to be. Being very detail oriented and artistically technical is always a way to make people think you know what’s up.
2. Have a “Bed Time”
No one has to know that “I’m going to bed” really means “I’m going to watch Netflix until 4am.” People who have real jobs go to bed early, so pretend you actually have a job and just go to bed anyway.
3. Drink Tea
People who have their shit together care about their bodies, so they drink decaffeinated tea instead of strong, black coffee.
4. Have a Planner
Schedule everything in your life, even down to the days that you are going to wash your hair. Everything should be color-coded and organized in at least three different locations.
5. Get a Pet
Pets are a large responsibility, so if you want to make people think you are actually a responsible person who doesn’t eat Ramen every other night for dinner, then get a cat (as long as you can actually take care of it. Don’t harm the animal for your own selfish reasons).
6. Eat Kale
I don’t know why, but everyone has had a serious kale frenzy lately. Kale tastes like piss to me, but do I pretend to like it in public, oh hell yeah!
7. Go to the Gym
Work out before going to class every morning. Get up at 6am and work out for at least an hour. Who cares if you wanted to sleep in, adults don’t sleep anyway!
8. Unplug
People who know what they are doing are notorious for being “too good” for the latest technology, so delete your Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and go incognito so no one knows who the heck you are anymore.
9. Wash your hair less
The natural oils of your scalp are good for your head, so you can skip washing that hair every once in a while. I am convinced that being an adult means finding more indiscrete ways of being lazy and unhygienic.
10. Buy some Real Perfume
