First and foremost, we have all been there, we have all at some point wanted to date the bad guy, the guy who we know is not good for us, yet we so blindly take him up on the opportunity to be courted by him. Those kind of guys, most commonly known as “players,” are the worst breed of men known. It is ridiculous and so reckless that it’s fun and somewhat of a adrenaline rush because we so desperately want to know how this is going to end, even though we already know how it is going to end. Now, if you don’t know how it is going to end, here, let me enlighten you: It will end with you coming to terms with the fact that you were never the only girl he was talking to, and he has already moved on to the next girl while you are sitting there trying to piece together all the events that led up to this epiphany.
Encountering these men is inevitable, it is bound to happen at some point in our teenage and 20-something lives. It is just up to us to figure out how we deal with them, either by not letting them faze us and resisting their charm, or by taking them up on this charade and playing the field against them. It is universal knowledge that girls love drama, and that we want what we cannot attain. Look, it is a fact that we girls love the players, and well, the players just love the game. These guys unfortunately do not come with a warning label; there is no guide on how to watch out for them, and they come in a variety of looks. The painfully shy guy who sits two rows down from you in your political science class can have intentions just as bad as the guy on the football team who's always out at clubs getting wasted every weekend. If you really want to know how to determine if the guy you are talking to is a player, or if your crush is a player, then look for the tell-tale signs. If you want to play the game, then at least play it smart.
1. Look at his friends
You can tell a lot about someone by who their friends are -- you are the company you keep, after all. So if his friends are these a**holes who do nothing but rank up their numbers in the female department and do not seem to take anyone or anything seriously, then run. Seriously, take one good look at how his friends act, and you can kind of see who he really is to determine that he is a player by association.
2. He doesn't leave his ego at the door
These guys have the biggest egos; they are so in love with themselves. The best way to describe them: overly conceited. They’re so confident in their ability to woo girls that they know they do not even have to try. They already know that they are smooth talkers, with delicious looks that have girls dying for some attention from them.
3. Red flags
No guy who is categorized under the term “player” drops hints about his present and past as a player upfront. They tend to give you hints and red flags so subtly, almost as a way for them not to feel so bad when sh*t does hit the fan and everything blows up in your face. That tactic is devised as a comfort mechanism for themselves so they look at the whole situation as, “Well, I tried showing her. Hey, well, I tried telling her.” Those red flags can be something as little as a date/hangout getting cancelled or rearranged for the 57th time, his messages going from a response every .5 seconds to 30-50 minutes back to back, his constant avoiding of serious questions and serious conversations, to the fact that he still hasn’t responded to the message you sent him an hour ago, yet here he is, posting on Snapchat, Instagram, and Twitter within that time frame.
4. His social media account
If his social media accounts are dominated with nothing but girl followers, girl likes, and girl comments, well, you got yourself quite the competition. I advise you to click on his followers and go through the comments and likes on his photos. I have found that to be the best way to dig up some dirt about the guy -- for example, because you can see the time period in which he and some girl exchanged some flirty emojis on some of his photos, and if the time period those comments were exchanged overlaps the time you two are talking, well then, there you go. He is a player and he is definitely talking to other girls.
5. Read receipts
Guys who have their read receipts on have them on for a reason. They obviously cannot tell you themselves that they’re not interested in the conversation anymore, so as long as those “read receipts” are on, it gets their message across. It even gives them this sense of power over you because they know how you’re constantly going back to the message you last sent with the thought in your head, “Did he read it?”
6. Look at his past relationships
The way he treated his exes in past relationships and the reasons why they broke up can tell you a lot. Ask around school, ask some friends, ask someone who knows him sort of well, if you find out some horrible truth like his ex dumped him not once but twice because the first time he cheated, then the second time he was caught with some other girl on Snapchat, well then, look no further. He will treat you the same way he treated her. If you find out that there is this pattern where all the exes say the same thing that he’s selfish, he didn’t do enough, he never made time for them, well then, you have to believe that you are no different.
7. Word of mouth
This is more than just gossip; “word of mouth” is what people have to say about this particular individual. If he is known by not only people from his high school but also by people who attended other high schools, that means he gets around and makes himself known. Majority of the time what people have to say about this individual is true -- but leave it up to yourself to determine if it is just gossip -- but if more than just three people are telling you the exact same thing, then it is probably true, and they are telling you things you need to hear for a reason.
8. His actions over his words
I am a firm believer in the principles that "actions speak louder than words" and that "talk is cheap." He may win you over with cute little sayings, and tell you how much he feels for you, how much he is starting to like you, how he misses you, but does he do anything about any of that? Does he come through with what he says he’ll do, or does he give you sweet nothings and broken promises? It all lies in the question, “What does he do for you?”
9. Weekend activities
Spend some time thinking about what he does every weekend. Just because he goes out to raves, parties, and clubs every weekend does not make him out to be a player, but does he make time for you? Does he ever take a break from hanging out with his idiot friends to take you out? Does he even consider inviting you to tag along? If the answer to any of those questions is no, well then, he is practically living the single life, because who even knows what he does out there when it's just he and his boys.
10. Gut feeling
If you feel it in the pit of your stomach that this guy does not have good intentions with you and that he just does not take you seriously, then the best thing you can do is to walk away. Love yourself, have some pride to push him aside, and know it in your heart that you deserve better.
