I’m a failure, but what else is new? Please learn from my idiotic tendencies that lead me to almost fail my first year of college. It will help, I promise.

1. I failed to study.

I never studied a day in my life before leaving for college, even for the SATS (but sh, don't tell my mom that). College is hard. You can't get away with not studying, trust me, I tried it and it did not work out so well for me.

2. I failed to be intentional with relationships.

First semester, I thought I was a pro in this category; I frequently asked people how they were, and from time to time I would even throw in a "I'm praying for you." But then second semester rolled around, and I realized that I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. I learned the hard way that people and relationships change, and because my lack of intentionality, I was part of the cause for these broken friendships. I didn’t care enough to fight for my relationships, and for that, I regret my lack of action.

3. I failed to let go.

I like to be in control, that way, I don’t get hurt by people or things that I don't see coming. But by holding tightly onto things I believed to be of utmost importance, I lost sight of what was actually was. By not letting go of material possessions, titles, and ideals I hurt myself and others around me. It is in my nature to want to call the shots and be the boss, but just because it is in my nature, doesn't mean it is the best thing for me and I wish I learned that sooner.

4. I failed to be myself.

I came into college thinking that I knew who I was and where I stood. But I was naïve in thinking that, and I got lost along the way trying to be someone I’m not. The truth is, I haven't fully figured out who I am yet. But that is okay because I know where I’ve been and where I want to be. And the girl who I was acting like, wasn't anyone near who I want to become.

5. I failed classes (well, not actually), but I got the worst grades I’ve ever gotten in my entire life.

Again, I reiterate the importance of studying. The idiotic tendencies that lead me to not study for classes, because I foolishly concluded that it wasn't my biggest priority, lead me to almost fail my first year of college. Seriously, study. I promise you it will be worth it in the end.

6. I failed to tell my family how much I appreciate and love them.

I took for granted my family who, for my whole life, constantly put up with me, feed me delicious home-cooked meals, and loved me unconditionally. Your all on your own in college, and you realize just how support and care for you. And I failed to thank them and tell them how much they mean to me.

7. I failed to be grateful.

Why am I complaining about having to take one, two-hour exam on a 75 degree day in the back hills of Montecito? I am so fortunate to be able to attend college and pursue a higher education at a private Christian college in Santa Barbara. I don’t know why I spent so much time complaining about having to do work for college when that is what I signed up for. Honestly, PTL for Fafsfa and scholarships that make it possible for me to get an education. I am so blessed, and I too often take those funds for granted.

8. I failed to take college seriously.

Not only did I fail to realize that my priority was getting an education, and not going to Blenders for the 3rd time in a week, but I failed to realize that my actions effect my future. My lack of effort hurt my grades, but it also ended up hurting myself as well.

9. I failed to stay in touch with my past.

I got so caught up with my new life and new friends, that I discarded the people that have been with me through it all. I tried forgetting about my past, because it seemed easier to do that than try and carry it with me. I viewed my past as just baggage, but it is not baggage. It is a part of who I am, and it is not something to be ashamed about. I'm proud of where I come from, because if it weren't for it, I wouldn't be where I am today.

10. I failed to remember the girl I want to be.

I got so caught up in the "college experience" that not only did I lose sight of who I was, but who I want to be as well. I assimilated to others standards and goals, when I should've stayed true to myself.

You don't have to be a failure like me. But maybe, being a failure isn't the worst thing to be. You can never learn if you don't fail at first.

"We are all failures — at least the best of us are." - J.M. Barrie