I have been in a committed relationship for nearly two years and since August 2015, it has been long distance. I have been asked many times for relationship advice by my friends and sometimes even people who I didn't really know. I began to think about it all and thought about the reasons why my relationship is working and what advice I could offer to other people when asked. I am nothing close to a relationship expert, but I do have some helpful tips that I'd like to share with you all.
1. Communicate.
I know this is something that is preached all the time, but it's so true. Communication is the key to everything in a relationship. It is probably the easiest part of a relationship, but the thing that couples do the least. There will be times that you and your S.O. argue. Notice the word "argue," instead of "fight."
One of the most important things in a relationship is trying to understand each other and the views the other holds. When you feel a certain way about something, talk about your feelings. Don't let it all build up and then explode to your significant other weeks after something has been bothering you. Be honest and use good communication and you have the glue to your relationship.
2. Acceptance.
It was obvious to me that my current relationship was worth getting into when I realized that I was accepted. I never received a weird look or was told that I'm too "weird." Chances are if you're with the right person, when you do something silly, they will do something silly with no shame. Judgement should be left behind when you seek a partner.
3. Make sure you are mentally healthy.
It's hard to fully invest yourself in a strong and healthy relationship when you are struggling with issues yourself. If you enter a relationship with these problems, the other person may not understand where you are coming from and might have a difficult time trying to help you. Additionally, it will be harder for you to feel that you are fully engaged in the relationship because of the struggles you are having yourself.
4. Get rid of gender roles.
I think this explains itself, but just to clarify.. You both should hustle. You shouldn't depend on the other person to do dishes just 'cause they are a female or bring in wood just because they are a male. Couples that hustle together stay together, and that's no lie.
5. Always end your day on a good note.
I know sometimes this is easier said than done; however, it is so beneficial. It's hard when your day absolutely sucked to try to think positively, but clearing the air before you fall asleep at night is the best way to go about a healthy relationship. Even something as simple as, "I know we aren't agreeing much today, but I still want you to know that I love you." Just always bringing it back to that positive note that reminds them they are someone you care about.
6. Give the other person space.
The best part about relationships is that you always have that one person looking out for you (even though you don't always need it). It's easy to become protective, but we have to let go of that nature a bit to let the other person grow. I've known far too many people that cut off friends because of their significant other and the relationship. Giving each other space will only make the relationship stronger as you build trust and other friendships and possibly a little space to miss each other.
7. Be intimate (but not necessarily in that way).
Intimacy tends to be taken a bit far. Most of the time when you hear the word intimate, your mind goes straight to sex or sex-related activities.
The intimacy I'm talking about is being able to lay in bed and have a deep, heart-to-heart conversation. This is being able to kiss and enjoy the moment without it turning into something more. This is walking through a store holding hands and laughing; this is the kind of intimacy you want.
8. Choose to love your S.O.
Nothing makes me angrier than someone who complains about their significant other and talks about their quirks or bad qualities. Why are you with someone that you can't find the good in them? It is extremely important to focus on your significant other's good qualities. How would you feel if they only paid attention to your flaws? Choose to love them for the good things. The more you focus on the bad, the more you'll notice it.
9. Don't base your relationship on standards.
Don't rely on the ever-so-famous #RelationshipGoals because the reality of it is they are a bunch of nonsense. Every single relationship is different and by trying to make it them the same you can do more damage then good. You don't need to post all over social media or talk about them all the time. Love does not mean you have to boast on social media about your relationship. You don't need to prove your happiness in your relationship to everyone. There is a difference between boasting and being proud. Make sure you know that distinctive line. Love does not need the reliability of likes or retweets on your relationship. Every relationship is it's own and that's the way it should be.
10. Be faithful.
While this tip should be a no-brainer, many people struggle with this aspect of relationships. Before you cheat, think about how you would feel if you were being cheated on and that might stop you from committing such an act. Many relationships end due to infidelity and it's something that can truly break a person's heart and dignity. Besides, relationships are hard enough with one person, so don't make them tougher by adding another into the mix.
11. Say "Thank you."
I know this sounds extremely silly, but it's nice to know what you are doing is appreciated. Thank you is such a simple phrase, yet it holds so much meaning and is worth so much.
