When I was 6 years old my parents separated after 10 years of marriage. It was not the easiest thing a 6 year old, or anyone at that, had to adjust too. I wish I was given tips throughout my childhood to help cope and understand how to deal with the change. With that being said , here's 10 tips for anyone going through such an abrupt change!
1. Do not blame yourself.
It is not your fault your parents are separating, they made the decision on their own terms. Even though you may feel to blame, there is so much more behind the curtains you will ever know.
2. Do not feel guilty for choosing to stay with one parent over the other.
We are all either a "momma's boy/girl" or a "daddy's boy/girl", there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to stay where you are more comfortable and happy!
3. It's okay to choose going to your best friend's house on the weekend rather than going to your mom/dad's.
Keep in mind, you are still a child! It is more than okay to spend time with your friends, regardless what your parent says to you. Time with your friends always helps to forget what is going on at home.
4. Holidays and celebrations will always be a little difficult.
No matter if you are 6 or 19, any get together is going to be hectic. You may have to spend Christmas morning with your mom's side of the family and then pack up and head over to see dad's side for the evening. You will always feel busy when it comes to the holidays, almost like there is no time to breathe.
5. Do not be scared when both of your parents meet their new significant others.
It's tough opening your life to a new man or woman that was once were your mom or dad was. It may take only one try or a billion for them to find someone new, but you should always remember your parent's happiness. You never know, they may step in and become the best thing that could have happened in your family's life!
6. It is more than okay to love your step family.
If your parents do remarry it is more than acceptable to love your step parents family. After all, what is family without love? It does not matter if one of your parents become upset, they are just being selfish and will eventually get over it. Be happy that you have additions in your life that love you as their own!
7. Do not let any one influence your feelings towards your parents.
You will hear terrible things from either side of your parent's families about the opposite parent, ignore what they have to say. Their opinion does not matter, you know your parents better than anyone.
8. Don't let awkwardness stop you from seeing your parent.
It may be hard to kick it off after going so long without seeing each other, but don't be discouraged to try and start a conversation. Do not feel the need to avoid conversations about your week with the opposite parent. Share the fun you've had!
9. Marriage and Family.
Please, do not be discouraged when it comes to starting your own life and family. Not every marriage ends in divorce. One day you will meet someone who takes all your fears of divorce away, don't push them away! Thinking about your wedding day and who will walk you down the aisle will always be a nightmare, especially if you are close with your step dad. Just remember, your wedding day is one of the most memorable days of your life, don't let anyone ruin that. Invite both sides of your family to your wedding. If they don't come that is their loss not yours. (You won't need to plan 2 separate weddings.)
10. Always stay positive and have faith!
Things will get better. You're home life will improve. You will adjust, it may just take a little extra time. Always remember, everything in life happens for a reason and you will get through the highs and lows!
Divorce can be such a yucky situation but unfortunately, it is inevitable to the children involved. I hope this gives you encouragement and helps you look forward to better days!
